I realized I've been back at work for just about a month now... where does the time go?? And while I have my routine down more and am now used to being back I am finding it more emotionally draining then I anticipated. Typically when I leave in the morning he is still asleep... sometimes he is awake, but usually he just wakes up as I am getting ready to go out the door. The earliest I walk in the door is 4:40. If i get there at 4:40 he's usually just getting ready for his evening nap... if i get there much later he's passed out already. When I go get him at my friend's on Monday and Wednesday he's usually awake but the second he eats he passes out. By the time he wakes up again I get about 20 minutes of playtime before he turns into grumpy baby who wants nothing more than a bath and bedtime. If we don't do this he yells and screams at us. He wants bath and he wants bed.
All in all I am currently getting about an hour of quality time a day with him... and that KILLS me. Some days I come home and he looks different. I can see how much he's changed. I enjoy working, I just wish I could work part time instead of full time. I wish I had a job closer to home and could cut my commute time... or I could go home for lunch and spend time with him. I knew it would be hard... but its so much harder then I ever imagined. Last night I wanted to cry as he yelled at me, signaling the start of bath time and then bed. I look forward to putting him to bed at night because its 30 minutes of the two of us just relaxing together... he eats and then I either rock or cuddle him to sleep. Looking into his half asleep eyes just makes me want to call out of work the next day. The thought of all the things I have been missing while I am at work... he just does new things every day! Today I put him in his bumbo which was next to his little toy container. There is a little orange stuffed cat that was sitting on top and he was staring at it, and then grabbing at it and he did succeed in getting it into his hands and briefly into his mouth. Just a few days ago this is the toy he had problems holding on to.
I know as he gets older and stays awake longer things will get easier... instead of coming home and having him take a nap he'll actually be awake and ready to spend time with me. I just want to spend all that time cuddling him and being with him now.
Awww, I feel so bad for you. I'm even anticipating dropping Bug off for a half day of daycare each day as being tough but I know I'll have it sooo much better than most other moms. I wish US companies did better/tried better for a work/life balance, like having daycare on site. At least then you'd be able to take you lunch and coffee breaks with your little bean. I guess even more reason to love the weekends, huh?
ReplyDeleteYou are just having abd day girl. I have been there, done that, and I know you are already know this - but it WILL GET BETTER! They will get a bit older, and able to stay up longer, and also they will get less fussy for bed!
ReplyDeleteOh Emma, my heart just breaks for you while I'm reading this. You've got to be so upset just recounting this experience! I don't know, because I haven't BTDT, but I hope Mandy is right when she says that it will get better. She would know better than us since she's gone through this ...
ReplyDeleteBut you've seriously just described my greatest fear as a FT working mom. I know that I'll probably have the same laments come November, December and January ... plus with the fact that it'll be dark as hell by the time I get home at 4:30-5:00, OMG, I just cringe at the tought ...
(((HUGS))) Emma and I'm sending you and Eirik lots of love!
I'm sorry Emma! I feel for you and know I'll feel so similar {{{HUGS}}}
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