The Payoff

I am frequently asked when I go out with Eirik if he's my first. My response is yes which is quickly followed by some sort of comment about "is it harder then you imagined?" People are always shocked when I respond No. I had no grand illusions of parenthood being easy. I never dreamed that it would be a walk in the park. I anticipated sleepless nights, uncontrollable crying, and moments of sheer frustration. When I decided I wanted to have a baby I knew all of these things would occur. They happen to every parent no matter how wonderful their child is. You can have the baby that sleeps through the night from day one and is an "easy baby" and still have days where you want to pull your hair out. I never had any sort of romanticized visions about having a baby.

But while there are moments of sheer frustration they are followed by moments that make it all worth while. Nothing can compare with the first real smile... when they look at you and give you a huge grin with those wide innocent eyes. When you hold them as they sleep and they nuzzle their head in closer to you. Their tiny hands gripping yours so tightly. The uncontrollable laughter as you blow raspberries on their stomach. These are the moments that make you forget all the frustrations of the day.

Tonight I had one of those moments. I came home from work and walked in the door to find Eirik sitting on the floor. As soon as I came in, as usual, he got a huge grin on his face. Today however he crawled as fast as he could over towards me, grabbed my pants, and pulled himself up to a standing position waiting for me to pick him up.

That is the payoff that makes it all worth while.