I wish I could be one of those women who goes "oops, i'm pregnant!" These women go around announcing their positive pregnancy test before the stick even has time to dry. They celebrate their good news and rush out, purchasing baby items left and right. They have no thought for the what ifs and the numerous outcomes. They don't spend every moment analyzing each twinge, pull, or tug coming from your uterus... wondering if that is normal or a sign that something is wrong. They don't examine each piece of toilet paper for signs of bleeding, spotting, or otherwise funny looking discharge. They don't go to each and every doctors appointment with their heart thumping in their chest hoping and praying that everything will look normal. They don't spend those moments when you don't feel as much movement worrying about the worst case scenario and thinking something must be horribly wrong. No, they don't worry about things like that.
I really thought once I got pregnant I would relax.... okay, I thought maybe once I made it out of the first trimester I would relax. But no, my anxiety seems to be just as great today as it was when I first got that positive pregnancy test on June 30th. Every time I enter the doctors office I am petrified something will be wrong. Silly since I feel this little guy kicking moments before my appointment... yet I still get sick to my stomach. Every time I don't feel him kick for a few hours I swear something must be wrong, and then when he kicks me a lot i swear something must be wrong. Each growing pain, each cramp, each twinge... I sit there going "is this normal? What if something is wrong?" I know the anxiety isn't healthy for the baby, and i'm better then I was... but sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who just went through pregnancy oblivious and relaxed...
Good grief, this is me to a T. I STILL look at my toilet paper every time, and I am now in the 3T!! It just will never get easier until I physically see these babies. So, I totally sympathize.
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