Friday, October 30, 2009

More photos of cats in baby things

I came home from work yesterday to find this...


Yes, he was FAST asleep when i got home but by the time i got the camera he of course was awake. Go figure! I have yet to catch them actually asleep.

In other news i've hit 21 weeks. It seems like everything went to slowly for the first 12 weeks, then the next 8 weeks flew by and now we're back to slow again! I can't seem to win. I must actually look pregnant now (or word is spreading around my tiny company) because i've had a few people ask me when i'm due. For your viewing pleasure here is this weeks bump photo.

21 weeks 10-29-09

I even have on my lovely cat PJ bottoms that i've had since i was oh... 16. They are insanely comfy and cute. A win in both categories!

I have also officially had my first hormone induced breakdown. It started over getting dressed the other morning and ended with me sobbing on the bed about how nothing fits. Not a pretty sight... my poor husband had no idea what to do with me. I had no idea what to do with me!

I am however reaching this annoying stage where my early maternity pants are getting too tight and my later maternity pants are still too loose. I got 2 pairs of below the belly pants to wear when my regular pants got too tight and up until now they have worked great. Well, the one nice pair I have for work has officially gotten too tight for comfort, but all my other pairs are full belly pants and my belly just isn't popping out quick enough for them! Looks like i'm going to have to pull out the bella band to keep them up, even though that is the most uncomfortable piece of clothing EVER. Its okay for a while but ultimately ends up rolling up in the back. Oh well!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A subtle reminder...

Warning: Miscarriage mentioned... just an FYI...

March was a tough month for me. It would kick off what would become a 5 month long spiral of depression that no one (besides my husband) knew about. Sure, people knew I was sad, but they didn't quite know why. Sure, i smiled and acted as best I could... but inside i was hurting. March 2nd was the day that everything changed. It was snowing... there was actually snow settled on the ground. My period had started a few days earlier, but it wasn't right. It was light, weird, and brown... and my basal body temperature was still high. I got in the shower that morning and decided to pee on a OPK. Why waste a pregnancy test when it would be negative? Anyway, the only one I had was digital. So i got in the shower, thought nothing of it, got out, and looked at the little test. there was a second line. Of course i quickly ripped open the digital and within seconds there was the wonderful word... Pregnant. I was petrified and exhilarated all at once. I ran in to wake up my husband, still fast asleep. Then of course I had to somehow make my way to work, remaining calm. I called my RE office, excited, thrilled. I was still spotting but the nurse assured me that was normal. I showed up the next morning for the first of what would become many betas. I anxiously waited all day for that call and when it came back I most defiantly was pregnant! I had to get a repeat beta draw a few days later. The wait was killing me. The spotting refused to relent... it came and went, sometimes light sometimes heavy. The second beta came back, but not quite as high as hoped. It was good, but not great... so they wanted a third. I tried to relax, tell myself everything was fine, that tons of people had 3 betas draw. The third was worse then the second... my numbers were no were near doubling.

I was crushed. I came home from work that night and sobbed. My husband tried to reassure me, telling me things could still be okay. I googled beta numbers and doubling times, finding scenario similar to my own. I clung to hope. Another week, another set of betas... still slowly rising. I prayed and hoped that I had a little fighter. They scheduled an ultrasound to see if they could see anything... and they saw nothing. Nothing at all.. yet my betas were still rising. They used the word no woman wants to hear: possible ectopic. Then I became nervous... every time I felt a twinge, was it an ectopic pregnancy rupturing? And all the while I had to force myself to show up to work every day, a smile on my face, letting no one know the pain I was suffering.

In a sense I was lucky, it was shortly after that news that I did indeed have a miscarriage. I almost passed out at work and went to the ER, petrified something was wrong. They informed me my betas had dropped dramatically. I cried. No one knew what to say or do. The nurse said "at least it was just a miscarriage" while the doctor refused eye contact. The only person who showed me compassion was the man who removed my IV line. No one else cared. I called my job and told my boss i wouldn't be back for 3 days... i couldn't pretend to be happy. I spent that week crying on and off, doing those things I hadn't done since getting that positive test. I went out and got drunk in hopes I would feel better... I didn't. I ate whatever I wanted, sat on the couch and watched sappy romantic movies, and avoided people in general. I canceled my birthday dinner get together with friends stating it was just too much hassle. I hid.

Until a week ago these thoughts were forgotten. I honestly have been so focused on my little guy kicking away inside of me that it has been easy to ignore the impending date... my old due date. I had managed to forget that right now I should be 9 months pregnant, almost ready to pop. I should be preparing for maternity leave, adding the final touches to the nursery, and worrying about labor. While I am thrilled to be pregnant now, and I couldn't love little Eirik any more, I sometimes have to sit and wonder "what if". Would it have been a boy... or a girl? And while I know I am lucky to get pregnant again so quickly after my loss... it still hurts.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Rejected by the cats...

So today I was officially snubbed by my cats! Well, not all of them. Usually when I come home from work and open the door I have 3 cats sitting waiting for me expectantly... and if nothing else within about 5 minutes they are all there, wondering if I had food for them. So today I come home and find Sebastian asleep on the couch. I had groceries which I put away... and still no cats! Sebastian was staring at me from the couch, but making no moves. Concerned I went upstairs to find Caligula and Hesiod fast asleep on the bed, ignoring me!! They aren't even harassing me right now as they usually do. In fact the only cat who has harassed me tonight is Laia, which is odd because shes the one that usually stares at me! I feel so unloved!!

On a baby related note it seems like every day this little guy gets more and more active. I didn't really start feelng official movement until about 18 weeks... and even then it was on and off. Slowly i've felt more and more, but it seems like the past few days i've been getting a lot more beaten up down there! I've actually been able to feel some movement on the outside now, which is awesome. Of course he refuses to kick whenever my husband is around. For example last night we were on the couch and we sat there for about 20 minutes... then i got up to use the computer and he started kicking again. Stubborn baby! Sleeping through his ultrasound and refusing to let his daddy feel kicking. Apparently hes going to be just like his father... ;)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Gotta Love Consignment!

So apparenly in Maryland there are quite a few consignment events that are geared towards babies and kids. There is one called weecycle and another called totswap. I heard about weecycle from a friend of mine who had been and went to the one up in Harford County about a month ago. Today was the Anne Arundle County one, and since I know now its a boy I decided to head on over. Its only 2 dollars to get in (all money is donated to the food bank) and you never know what you are gonna find. While I don't really need a lot in the way of clothing, i still wanted to look. I found some absolutely adorable baby clothes. The best was a 4 piece set with penguins on and a onesize with a dragon. While I know my friend is going to lend me tons of clothing, I still want to buy some things that are mine. Then I went to look at the maternity clothing. My dressier work pants are getting snug around the belly as they are the below the waist pants. I totally lucked out and found 2 pairs of pants, 5 dollars each, and they fit PERFECTLY and have room to grow! I was thrilled! I've tried the local thrift stores for maternity clothes with no luck and was worried I would have to go to the motherhood store and buy more, but nope! I should be set for quite a while now. I'm planning on going to the totswap event in Timonium in November. I'm hoping they'll have a larger selection of furniture items.

And even better is while I was gone my husband got the first coat of paint up in the nursery. It looks GREAT. I was so worried that the color I chose would look too green on the wall, but its perfect. Its so subtly green... it just gives the room a hint of color. Its gray and rainy out now so now photos, but i'll take one tomorrow. I think it would be okay with one coat, but we're going to do a second just to be sure. I'm getting so excited now!!

Now I have to go do homework for my classes. Not fun, but it needs to be done. My one class has a test... which i've kinda studied for a bit. Its open notebook, but that doesn't mean its going to be easy. After the test I can relax for the rest of the evening. =)

Hormones gone wild!

So this week seemed to be a rough week. I don't know if it was a combination of a bad work week, hormones, other stress, or something else, but by the time I got home yesterday I hardly had the energy to do anything. My typical Friday night includes me sitting at the computer catching up on a weeks worth of TV. I watch all my TV shows online so I was really looking forward to The Office, Fringe, and Ugly Betty (I cheated and watched Glee on Thursday). So I start with the office, which was hysterical. One of the funniest episodes they've done in a while! Then i move on to fringe to find... no new episodes till November! Dissapointment number one. Then I discover that apparently Ugly Betty now comes on Friday night, not Thursday! So.... no Ugly Betty either. I almost cried! So I ended up sitting on the couch watching Amelie, a nice sappy romantic movie with a happy ending. 

Of course my husband comes home and thanks to my raging hormones and his general stress over "oh my god, we're really having a baby" we've been fighting over all sorts of stupid things recently. Really, in hindsight, they are really dumb and we both know it. So, of course last night we are both trying extra hard NOT to get into a silly fight which makes it even harder (weird logic, I know!). We just ended up in bed early talking, not about how stressed and frazzled we both are but about things like how long my parents will visit in March and laughing at the cats doing silly things like playing with our feet under the covers. So this morning I get up to discover that last night after I went to sleep he went out and got me some flowers and one of those oh so tasty Starbucks Frappachino drinks (the bottled ones). Chocolate and flowers, the perfect gift for your pregnant hormonal wife. =) Sometimes he knows just when I need something like that. 

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Half Way There!

So I am officially at the half way point. Well, assuming this little guy makes his appearance on time of course! How odd is it to suddenly realize that I am more than half done with being pregnant?? In some aspects it feels like this has taken forever to come, but then I feel like time is flying! Even scarier is the fact that the point if viability is 24 weeks. What does that mean? If something happens and I give birth after 24 weeks the chance of survival is high compared to before that. Not that I think anything is going to happen, but its just another timepoint on the pregnancy rollercoaster to look forward to.

Here is my growing fat bump:

20 weeks 10-21-09a

Not an amazing picture... i apologize! I think i look about the same as I did before, but some people at work are saying its more obvious. And I got my first person ask me today if I was pregnant! Shes also pregnant amusingly enough! Shes 16 weeks, so that means that come early next year there will be two pregnant women waddling around the building!

So I guess the next milestone I have to get past is the glucose test. I am looking forward to this the least... going in for fasting bloodwork, drinking what most describe as a disgustingly sweet sugar solution, sitting around for an hour, and then getting the bloodwork done again. Fingers crossed I pass, otherwise they make you do a 3 hour test! EEP! And, I have my hospital tour coming up next month. Even though we aren't planning on using the hospital I told my husband I wanted to go tour and make sure we know what to expect if we go there. Never say never!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

To all the people who have read my blog!

So as I have stated, TOTALLY new to this blogging thing... so I JUST discovered today people have actually left me comments! I stupidly assumed i'd get some sort of e-mail or something if people commented. I'm slow!! So, I just wanted to say thanks for reading and commenting!! It motivates me to update more often. =) This blogging this is completely addicting!

Hormonal Ramblings

So the hormone thing... yea... I thought I had my hormones under control however the past few days they seem to be all over the place, and directed and no on in particular. Little things set me off like someones annoying cell phone ring or my husbands slightly exasperated tone of voice... and then after getting angry I feel the urge to cry. I wasn't this bad in the first trimester! On the radio on the way home they were talking about this 18 year old boy who died of H1N1 and then played "The Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance and I was almost bawling!

Its like ever since the ultrasound Monday my body doesn't know what to do with the hormones. Before Monday it was so easy to forget I was pregnant. Sure, I had photographs of a little blob on a screen, my stomach is getting bigger, and i felt naseous a lot... but now? I feel movement! I can actually feel him moving around, squirming, getting comfortable. And its a HE... I know its a he... and he even has a name. Its strange... before Monday I knew I was pregnant, and I was attached but seeing him on the screen and knowing that he's a he... its just given me a totally different level of bonding.

I'm quite aware I sound like a crazy woman right now... as I said, hormones! Its a hard feeling to describe... I mean, i've been excited and happy since day one of finding out I was pregnant. I think at first i tried not to get too attached after having a miscarriage in March. But, once we saw the heartbeat and heard it I knew everything was fine I did get attached, but not to this level. Its different now i've seen him and felt him.

I am going to stop my strange hormonal ramblings now... because I am tired and am going to curl up in bed with a book instead of finishing my homework. I'm tired, hormonal, and want a good nights sleep. homework will still be here for me to finish tomorrow night.

Oh, on a random note i've officially had my first experiences with bladder squishing. Up until now i've thought maybe he was pressing on my bladder sometimes, but it also could just be needing to pee. This morning it was definitely him. I was fine and then out of no where it was like "if my bladder is full i would have just peed myself". I only know this is going to happen more and more often so I am preparing myself....

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Cats + Baby Items = Cute Photos

So a few weeks ago I got a baby swing for 5 dollars. Actually what i got was a cosleeper crib for 75 dollars but since i didn't have exact change for the woman she threw in the swing for the extra 5. Apparently the music on it doesn't work, but other then that its fine. Sounds great to me! So at this point in my house there is no where to store said items but the living room.... the nursery is under construction. We could store it in the basement, but things down there tend to smell weird and musty so i'd rather not. So, living room it is. Of course now the cats have decided they want to sleep in it... go figure! BUT... in typical cat fashion they like to jump out of the baby items before I can grab the camera! Not today however! Caligula was caught looking cute in the baby swing!


Trying to look innocent but i know better. I don't mind too much as the stuff still has to be washed/cleaned anyway. And it is in his living room after all.

Monday, October 19, 2009

And the verdict is...


20 weeks 10-19-09c

No question about it. =) Its a boy! He slept through the entire ultrasound despite the fact I drunk some fruit juice and eaten a breakfast bar before leaving the house. I had to get up and move around so he would flip over so the tech could get all his measurements. Of course it didn't last long... he quickly moved back into the position he was in before. Go figure! Maybe I should have had some coffee before?

My husband, my friend, my parents... actually EVERYONE was shocked to hear its a boy. We all thought girl! It was such a surreal experience seeing my baby on the screen... i mean, I know i'm pregnant but it gives it new meaning now I've seen him. Watching him move and seeing him there made it all more real. I can hardly wait to meet this little guy in a few short months (because really March 10th isn't that far away!).

Here is my other favorite picture from the ultrasound. Hes fast asleep with his hand over his face. =)

20 weeks 10-19-09a

Oh, I almost forgot...

Enjoy an amusing cat video! My 13 year old prissy cat who hates cat toys has been caught on video playing with one. You can also see Sebastian at one point sitting there with a very confused look on his face.

The big day...

So, today is the big day! I have to admit, I am freaking out! I was fine last night and then this morning when I woke up I started to get nervous. Sometimes knowing too much information is a bad thing! I keep having all the worst case synarios going through my mind... i know deep down everything is perfectly fine with this little guy (or gal) but in my mind I can visualize all these horrible birth defects that pop up. Damn me for being a science major! Damn my science teacher in high school for her slide show of serious birth defects! So, off I go to hopefully find out if this is going to be a little boy or a little girl! This baby better cooperate... i don't want to have to wait another 4 1/2 months to find out! ;) I'll update later this afternoon!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

To vaccinate or not... that is the question

So now I am pregnant everyone has to give me their 2 cents about EVERYTHING. You should do this, you should do that... and while I listen to all their advice and smile and nod, most of it gets shoved back in my head never to resurface. When a girl at work asked me if I was getting a flu shot I simply said "no, i've never had one before, i'm not worried". Then she asked me about the new H1N1 shot and again i replied "no, i'm not too concerned. I think that its played up a lot by the media about how bad it is". I still stand by my thought that the media is hyping up H1N1. I'm not going to deny people have died from it, some of them young children and pregnant women with no prior history of anything, but do we really need to read about every single death on the news? Anyway, back to my point. I am a healthy person... i eat generally healthy food, i exercise on a pretty regular basis, and I honestly haven't been sick in a long time. Everyone says your immune system is weird when you're pregnant, which is why you need a flu shot. Again, I told myself "i'm healthy, i've never had the flu shot, i'm fine". Then i got a cold.

The cold itself was not too horrible in the scheme of things. I felt pretty crappy for a few days, drank lots of H2O and OJ, and ate lots of soup. No fever or anything, just your typical sore throat, runny nose, etc. But its lingering in a way my colds normally don't, which is making me nervous. While i feel fine i am still finding my nose is a little too stuffy for normal... and i'm still sneezing a little more often. Yes, the last two could very well be pregnancy symptoms (who knew a stuffy nose and sneezing were pregnancy related things!) but they have been worse since having this cold. And then there is the fact that many people I know have had the flu recently! Now, these are people who work with kids, have kids, are around kids a lot. Honestly I hardly ever see kids! But, my husband does... and he brings home those germs.

So now I am stuck... do i get the shot or not? I was completely against getting any sort of flu shot and now I am sitting here seriously weighing the pros and cons. I know the science behind making the H1N1 vaccine is the same as the regular flu, its just a slightly different strain of the virus. I also know they are offering a thermosil free vaccine, so I can get it without that additive. Also, the protection I get from the vaccine is passed along to the unborn child... so why wouldn't one want this? Well, for starters after you get the vaccine your immune system can be lowered slightly causing you to be more susceptible to a regular cold. Also there are side effects that are cold like that can occur. And of course no one really knows how effective this is against the H1N1... in theory it should work, but really? they don't know much. If i wasn't pregnant I wouldn't give this a second thought... but now? It really is a different mindset knowing you have to think about what your doing to your body for the sake of someone else...

I guess at my next doctors appointment i'll bring it up with the midwife and see what they think.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

My Blogging Background

So this is the part where i fess up and say i'm really pretty new to this blogging thing... in some aspects i've always been a little behind when it comes to technology. I've always had a decent computer, partly thanks to the fact that my brother is an IT guy. Not that I know nothing about computers... I know more than the basic internet, word, e-mail, etc. But, computers i've always been up to date on... its everything else I am behind in! For example, i got my first real cell phone plan when i was 21. Yep, you read that right, 21. While my friends had cell phones in high school my parents refused to pay for them because we didn't need them... and I had to agree. When i went off to college there was the internet as well as these wonderful inventions called calling cards! Anyway, my mom called me 9 out of 10 times. Then my junior year of college I moved into an apartment with no home phone, so I broke down and got... the cell phone. However, here is something you may find shocking... i got rid of it 2 years later when the contract expired! Why? I had a home phone and NEVER used the thing. In fact 99% of the time it sat in my purse, turned off. About a year and a half ago I decided to reenter the cell phone world because my husband worked nights all over the place and this way we could keep in touch easier. Still, my phone is far from fancy... it was the free one with the plan! Not that I am anti technology or anything... for me most of the time I just don't need it. It was the same with blogging... who would want to read what I had to say? Of course i did start journals... but most of the time they became privet affairs that were more rants about personal things that I didn't want the world to read rather than a true blog. Most of the time only one, maybe two people read it because that is all I would allow to read it. But no longer! I am entering the real blogging world! I shall have a real blog with posts for all to read! Of course its still taking me a while how to use all the fun features... i'll get there eventually. =)

Friday, October 16, 2009

A movie recomendation

So last night I watched the movie "Away We Go". It was a small budget movie that came out a few months ago. Based on the previews I thought "oh, that looks cute" but i found it to be MUCH better than I anticipated. The plot of the movie is a couple in their mid 30s is pregnant and are trying to decide where to settle down and raise their child. They go on a cross country adventure visiting their friends and family in different locations, trying to figure out where to settle down. Each person they visit has their own interesting family style... some more hysterical than others! I don't really want to give away too much because its a REALLY good movie. Ultimately they realize what they do and don't want to be as parents and realize there was only ever one option for where they were going to live. Its cute, sweet, and funny. It has John Krasinski from The Office in it and his character in the movie is a lot like his character in the office: sweet, funny, and a little dorky but will do anything for someone he cares about.

It was interesting in a sense watching the movie and seeing such extreme parenting styles. While in each of the parenting styles there are aspects you can relate to or agree with (mostly...) there are other aspects that have you sitting there laughing because its so off the wall its funny. And while watching it, I found myself questioning my own ideas about parenting. While its something Scott and I have talked about a lot, its something I think you have to keep talking about and keep discussing. Of course i'm not naive... i know that no matter how much you talk before having a child once you do have the child things change. But I just get the impression that especially today people don't think about what kind of a parent they want to be. I don't know if that makes sense... its just something i've been thinking about lately. It also makes one think about their parents and how they were raised too. I have to give my mom a lot of credit because in the scheme of things she had to be both parents most of the time. Looking back even when my dad was here, he really wasn't. My dad tended to play favorites more, whether he realized it at the time or not. He tended to play favorites to the baby... for a long time that was my brother and then suddenly it was our other half sibblings. I guess I never fully appreciated how hard it must have been for my mom. Its a bit of a scary thought sometimes realizing that in a few months you'll be somebodies mom and have to make those calls...

This post probably doesn't make much sense as i'm exhausted. But, in a nutshell, go rent "Away We Go". Its worth it! =)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Things the pregnancy books never tell you...

I'm starting to learn that those lovely pregnancy books never tell you the whole story. While i'm sure they are quite useful in some respects, in others i've found them a waste of time. Or maybe i'm just reading the wrong books! So far, this is what i've discovered:

1. Despite what the books tell you about weight gain, your pants will probably be too tight around 8 - 10 weeks. Yes, some people are lucky and can wear their regular pants for a long time, but from what i've read most people start needing maternity pants around the 10 - 12 week mark. The books will tell you that by the end of week 14 your pants "may be a little snug". MAY be a little snug??

2. Your breasts can start leaking as early as 17 weeks. Yep, NO book mentioned this lovely problem! At first i thought maybe I was just drooling in my sleep. Nope, not drool! I quick google search reassured me this was completely normal. How comforting!

3. Aches, cramps, twinges, and the like are normal. I freaked out on more than one occasion because I had these dull achey cramps... aka, growing pains. Who knew!

I'm sure i'll discover more things along the way... but so far those are the big things i've discovered that aren't mentioned at ALL. Yea, its neat to read about the baby development stuff... but I keep having things occurring and rushing to the book and finding... no answer! Oh well!

Monday, October 12, 2009

The fat stage...

So far I've been pretty good about updating this! We'll see how much longer that lasts. ;)

So i'm at that weird phase where people are looking at me going "is she gaining weight or is she pregnant?" I've even gotten the double take from a few managers. Now, i was never one of those people who was rail thin by any means. I've always had to work hard to keep myself in shape... eating right, exercise, that sort of thing. But the way this pregnancy is going i'm not getting that beautiful baby belly... instead i'm just getting fat squished in different directions. And its not because i'm not gaining weight, believe me, I am! I'm up 15lbs from when I had my first doctors appointment. It just seems that the 15lbs is going everywhere... my butt, my thighs, my stomach (upper and lower). I look at photos of women with these cute obvious baby bellies and wish I had one. Instead, I look like this:

18 weeks 10-12-09

I keep telling myself that soon enough i'll have that nice round baby belly... for now, i'll just have to live with the looks. I guess if i wore one of those flowey maternity shirts maybe it would look more obvious.

This time next Monday i'll hopefully know if this little sweet potato (because according to my weekly e-mails it is now the size of a sweet potato!) will be a boy or a girl. Fingers crossed they decide to cooperate!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

An introduction to the cats...

So since I call myself a crazy cat lady I figured its time to actually show you photographs of said cats!


This is Caligula. Hes my cat. When I was growing up we always had the family cat, so Caligula was MY cat. I got him my senior year of college and illegally hid him in my apartment for about 2 months. Hes probably the most agile and intelligent cat we own at the moment. Not big on being picked up and hugged, but if he wants you to pay attention to him he'll let you know. He loves sitting on my chest and shoving his head in my face for kisses.


This is Sebastian. Hes the first cat that my husband and I got together. Last summer i was going through a "I want a baby but its not happening quick enough for me so I want a kitten" phase. So, we got a kitten! He has an obsession with the bathroom for some unknown reason. Hes not exactly the most intelligent cat we have, but hes soft and fuzzy. He also enjoys sleeping on my head at night and kneeing my head...


This is Laia. She is actually a cat that I've had since i was 13 and used to live happily with my parents. However my parents decided to move back to England and needed someone to keep the cat. So now she lives with me. She can be friendly if she wants to, but shes very cute and fluffy and she knows it and she acts like a priss. She is not overly fond of the other cats in the household and therefore spends most of her time upstairs. Her least favorite cat is Hesiod (its a mutual feeling) while she can tolerate Caligula and Sebastian as long as they don't bother her TOO much.

Hesiod enjoying his present!

This is Hesiod. He is actually my husbands cat. I affectionately call him freak out cat because he is very nervous and doesn't like new people. When we moved into our house he hid under the covers of the bed for about 2 days (yes, under the covers not under the bed). He is a bit of a wuss and gets beaten up by both Sebastian and Caligula quite often.

So, thats the current fur family!

Saturday, October 10, 2009


For weeks now I have been waiting for movement... everyone says "when it happens, you'll know". Now and then i've had things that COULD have been movement, but it also could have been digestion issues too... its hard to tell! But last night there it was, movement! It wasn't like anything i'd ever felt before... and it wasn't the "butterflies in your stomach" feeling everyone always says. It was mind blowing to be sitting here and suddenly feel SOMETHING! Up until now its so easy to forget I am actually pregnant... sure, i've got this nice little fat bump (yes, it looks fat, not pregnant!) and the aches and pains sometimes... but once i get busy and start doing things its easy to forget. Now it all sort of feels more real... not that it wasn't real before. It still feels like a dream that i'm going to wake up from.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

A little late in the game...

I'm a little late in the game for a pregnancy blog considering I am currently 18 weeks pregnant... however the more I read other blogs the more I feel like I need a pregnancy blog of my own. I have other online journals, but none that I really feel I can talk about such wonderful things as nausea, back pain, and gas. So, I have started this journal. Whether or not anyone will read it is another story completely! That being said however... a brief introduction and background! 

My name is Emma, i'm 26, and i'm currently 18 weeks pregnant with my first child. Then why is this called daily musings of a crazy cat lady you ask? Well, because I am a crazy cat lady... at least I would be if i didn't have a husband. Currently I only have 4, and no matter how much I complain about how 4 cats is too many I could find myself easily taking in another if need be. I've always had cats, always loved cats, and know I will always have cats. My cats are spoiled rotten and are like my children... which of course will change in March when I have a child of my own. At work I am know as the cat person... mainly because everyone else has dogs. It also doesn't help that my cubicle has a photograph of me and my husband and then close up photographs of my cats in cute adorable poses. 

So, enough about me and my cats. More about this whole pregnancy thing. Well, I wasn't one of those people who got pregnant by accident, or even pregnant easily. In fact it was a long heartbreaking road filled with many tears and frustrations. Like a good healthy married couple my husband and I talked about when we wanted to start trying... and stupidly thought it would only take a few months. WRONG. A year went by before we broke down and saw a fertility specialist who told me that I may have an ovarian reserve problem and that my husband may have borderline sperm issues. Before we could start our treatment plan however I found out, yay, I was pregnant! It was a good feeling, yet scary at the same time. I had lots of spotting, bleeding, and funky bloodwork numbers. It didn't take long before I found myself being told miscarriage was inevitable. Crushed my husband and I took a break, planned a vacation, and did a lot of crying (me, not him with the crying). We went back to that fertility clinic ready to start again with treatment only to discover... yes, pregnant again. This time however we had a nice happy healthy bean. 

It was the happiest few weeks of my life... until the morning sickness kicked in. I tried to be happy, i tried to think of the positive, i tried reminding myself how badly I wanted to be pregnant and all the tears I had shed because i wasn't. But when i wasn't eating or sleeping due to nausea and pain it was hard to think these positive thoughts. Even after my doctor gave me a prescription for my nausea it was still a rough few months. I probably didn't start a blog in the first trimester because I didn't want to remember all those negative thoughts I had. I knew so many people who would give anything to be pregnant, I had been one of them, and here I was crying about how horrible it was. No... that was not what I wanted to write about.

But now, at 18 weeks, I can start to really focus on the positive and wonderful aspects of being pregnant! That bump that you can feel, a little bigger each day. Those wonderful visits to the doctors when you get to hear the heart beating away inside of you. That feeling sometimes when you are out at the store and see something and think "i'm going to buy that for MY baby". Yes, those are the things I want to focus on. I'm going to try and update this daily... i'm really bad about doing things like that however. So, for now lets just say I'll try and update regularly. Until tomorrow (or the next time I remember to post).