Hormonal Ramblings

So the hormone thing... yea... I thought I had my hormones under control however the past few days they seem to be all over the place, and directed and no on in particular. Little things set me off like someones annoying cell phone ring or my husbands slightly exasperated tone of voice... and then after getting angry I feel the urge to cry. I wasn't this bad in the first trimester! On the radio on the way home they were talking about this 18 year old boy who died of H1N1 and then played "The Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance and I was almost bawling!

Its like ever since the ultrasound Monday my body doesn't know what to do with the hormones. Before Monday it was so easy to forget I was pregnant. Sure, I had photographs of a little blob on a screen, my stomach is getting bigger, and i felt naseous a lot... but now? I feel movement! I can actually feel him moving around, squirming, getting comfortable. And its a HE... I know its a he... and he even has a name. Its strange... before Monday I knew I was pregnant, and I was attached but seeing him on the screen and knowing that he's a he... its just given me a totally different level of bonding.

I'm quite aware I sound like a crazy woman right now... as I said, hormones! Its a hard feeling to describe... I mean, i've been excited and happy since day one of finding out I was pregnant. I think at first i tried not to get too attached after having a miscarriage in March. But, once we saw the heartbeat and heard it I knew everything was fine I did get attached, but not to this level. Its different now i've seen him and felt him.

I am going to stop my strange hormonal ramblings now... because I am tired and am going to curl up in bed with a book instead of finishing my homework. I'm tired, hormonal, and want a good nights sleep. homework will still be here for me to finish tomorrow night.

Oh, on a random note i've officially had my first experiences with bladder squishing. Up until now i've thought maybe he was pressing on my bladder sometimes, but it also could just be needing to pee. This morning it was definitely him. I was fine and then out of no where it was like "if my bladder is full i would have just peed myself". I only know this is going to happen more and more often so I am preparing myself....