Dear Dad...
I know that our relationship hasn't always been perfect. We hit that rough patch when I was in middle school and you and mommy officially began the divorce proceedings. Things were never quite the same after you officially moved out of the house and in with your new family. Even though you tell me otherwise I'm quite aware that for most of my life I've come second... never quite as important as I once was. At first this really hurt ... it hurt a lot. When you missed my college graduation I shrugged it off telling myself that it was just a graduation and really no big deal. But when you missed my wedding, canceling only 24 hours before hand, my heart broke in two. And then shortly after this I came to the conclusion I just had to stop caring and stop expecting things from you. And that's how its been ever since.
I accepted that you lived far away... that the reason you never came to visit me unless you happened to have work in the area is due to your vast traveling. I understand you are away for weeks at a time off in Europe, Asia, and Africa doing whatever it is you do. But you moved... you live only 45 minutes away now. And while I am aware that you may not physically be there all the time I would like to think sometime in the last 5 1/2 months you have been there... and for more then 24 hours. And I wonder why in the past 5 1/2 months you haven't found the time to drive 45 minutes to visit your grandson. During those first few weeks of his life I thought maybe things would be different... you kept promising you would come visit after your next trip. But as weeks turned into months I realized yet again I was being told empty promises... yet again you said you would be there and you weren't. Each time I contacted you I would get the same response... I'm getting ready to leave the country, I'll call you when I get back in town.
I shouldn't be surprised... But I am. I shouldn't let myself get upset... But I am. Why did I think things would be different now... different just because you live closer and I have a child. I want you to know that the door is always open here... you are more then welcome to come visit at any time. Do I think you will take me up on the offer? I don't know. But I do know that it is your loss... your loss that you have missed out on meeting this amazing little man.
I like to think that someday soon you'll finally make the trip to visit him... I like to think that you'll finally meet him before he turns 1... but i'm not holding my breath.
(((Huge Hugs!!))) I am so sorry. My heart is breaking for you as I read this. I wish I could give you a real hug right now. But know you are totally right, if he won't make the effort he has no one to blame but himself for missing out on Eirik. Hopefully he'll wise up before it's too late.
ReplyDelete{{{HUGS}}} I know I shouldn't say this but your Dad is a tool for not coming to visit by now. Totally his loss. I'm sorry hon!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Emma. Like you said- it is his loss! Keep your head up.
ReplyDeleteEmma, my heart breaks for you. I also think your Dad is a tool for not making a bigger effort.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, this is just heart-wrenching to read. I'm so sorry your dad is so absent in your life. Like Caryn said, he's a total tool for not making the effort, and he'll regret it one day.
ReplyDeleteTake comfort in the fact that your own son won't ever know this type of abandonment or pain because he has a great and wonderful dad who loves and cherishes him.
HUGS. My relationship with my father hasn't been all too stellar either. I know you may not know the song, but John Mayer's song, "Daughters" could not ring more true in my life and my sisters. He was a good dad at times, but man, he screwed us all up. I am so sorry you are going through this. and yes, its his loss.
ReplyDeleteOh Emma, I know we can all say it's his loss, not realizing how great both you and Eirik are, but I know how much this must hurt. I'm not in contact with my Dad either, but in my case it's more my choice than his. But to be in contact and geographically close and not have him come by really sucks. Part of me thinks you should send him this blog post, though he probably doesn't deserve to read your innermost thoughts. I'm so sorry, I hope he finally comes to his senses one of these days. {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDelete