Some random thoughts tonight... I'm still not entirely sure what direction this post will take. Eirik is still sick with his cold and I don't have any new cute pictures uploaded yet (note yet!).
Why is it that mothers always seem to judge each other and instead of supporting they seem to want to criticize or point out flaws? I have to admit up until this point I have been very lucky in the fact that I haven't had anyone close to me directly do this... but it always seems like there is this competition between mothers. The whole "oh, you don't do this? You should!" It doesn't matter what the topic is but instead of being supported you are made to feel bad for your choices. I started thinking about this after reading a post on facebook... someone had posted about a hotline you can now call to get information about breastfeeding and medicine. They asked the question "would you trust the information given". I skimmed through the comments and about a dozen people had said "I just refuse to take anything while breastfeeding.". Well, that's fine and dandy for you... but you don't need to say that. You could simply not say anything at all... not all of us feel that way and no one wants to feel guilty for taking something they REALLY needed.
It seems like so many mothers are so blinded by their own views they refuse to see anyone else. The two big hot topics that always seem to set people off are formula over breastfeeding and planned c-sections... you get people started on either of those topics and its disturbing how quickly two people can get nasty and be reduced to name calling. Personally unless you are physically or emotionally abusing your child I have no place to tell you what to do! You are doing what is best for you and your family and your situation... and thats great! But so many people make it their personal mission to almost harass people in to seeing their point of view. I guess maybe I'm weird in the fact I'd rather just agree to disagree and move on.
Maybe this is why I don't have many "mommy" friends. Most of my friends that are close don't have kids or have older kids... I really don't know anyone close by who has a child in the same age range as Eirik. I haven't really had any opportunities to meet people either. When I was home on maternity leave I looked up mom groups in the area and was disappointed to find that they were all for stay at home moms. What about us who have to work? I have no choice. I really feel sometimes like working moms get a bad rep... we're selfish for working still and not wanting to be at home. Well, news flash, some of us are the primary breadwinners! Some of us really do have no choice but to work, especially considering the economy the way it is today. I would love nothing more then to stay home with Eirik but sadly that is not in the cards for me right now. Maybe someday... but not now and not in the near future.
Just to clarify here, none of my blog readers fall into any of these categories... well, unless you're a reader I don't know about or who never comments then I can't say. I just really wish women would support each other more and spend less time being judgmental and negative. There's no reason to debate parenting styles... just like every person is different every parent is different... and every baby is different! I wish sometimes I could yell "Can't we all just get along?!"
I totally agree with you. I admit, before I was a mom, I would think judgemental thoughts (not that I would ever say anything out loud). I think being a mom is very humbling. I now find myself doing things I said I would never do as a parent. You have to keep an open mind. As you said, everyone is doing what is best for themselves and their family.
ReplyDeleteIf you move near me you will have me and baby Finn (if he ever comes) to be with you. Being 37 weeks preggo, I'm so sick of hearing people say "We'll see" when I tell them I plan to have a natural birth with no drugs. Who gives a flying eff if "you'll see"... some people say things like "good for you" or "goodluck" but I might as well tell them I am going to jump off a cliff or give birth on the moon b/c they seem to think that is more likely. Well, we will see but right now support would go a lot further than idiotic comments. I'm open, but right now there is no reason to think my plan could/should change. But belittling me, really???
ReplyDeleteAs for the whole working thing, I want to work. I don't think this makes me a bad mom but when I tell people I am going to go work their reaction is "Aw, that's a shame..." WHY?!? I want to work! I enjoy working! Why would I have just gotten my Masters degree if I was going to sit home all day, it's not in me. And I still think I'm going to be a DAMNED fine mom and wife! ARGH!
BIG HUGS Emma, I'm here for you and I may not agree with everything you say(don't know yet) but I'll always listen and certainly won't judge! I love hearing all the options and opinions of people WHO AREN'T RAGING IDIOTS, and am quite open minded. You never know what you will learn :-)
I totally agree! I think it's hard for mom's who've made a certain decision (to stay home, breastfeed, etc.) to really put them in someone else's shoes 100%. When someone tells me I "should" do something they did I just take it with a huge grain of salt and think to myself...well, they decided to do it and it works for them but it doesn't mean it's the right answer for me. It would be fantastic if everyone could be as understanding as our bloggy friends =)
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