The year started with a lot of excitement. After 6 months with no real health insurance I could finally get the RE consult I so desperately wanted. By Janurary my husband and I had been trying for a year. My cycles were all over the place and I was tired of being told "you're young, it takes time". As soon as that health insurance card came in the mail I called up the SGFC near my job and made the first appointment. The initial appointment was terrifying, but good. We scheduled tests to make sure all was okay and then after everything came back the plan was to do an IUI with clomid. I left feeling reassured that I would be pregnant soon!
First up was bloodwork and an ultrasound quickly followed by an HSG. My bloodwork revealed high FSH and my ultrasound showed a low antral follicle count... both indicators of egg reserve issues. My doctor was very optimistic that since I was young it shouldn't be a problem, but none the less I was a little crushed. We arranged to do my first IUI with clomid next cycle so I was all ready to call when my period started.
Well, it started, but when I called there were insurance issues... they didn't have authorization. I could pay for the cycle up front with the potential for reimbursement later or wait. I decided to wait, but was frustrated. I was also frustrated because I couldn't really tell if my period had started fully or not. I was having weird spotting that never really made it seem like my normal first day. Oh a whim I took a pregnancy test and was shocked to see a positive result. I had hoped i'd get pregnant quickly, but I certainly wasn't expecting that!
So, I duitifully called the RE and went in for bloodwork. At first all looked okay but quickly it became obvious all was not well. My numbers would go up a bit, then almost double, then only go up a bit. It became a waiting game every few days... me waiting anxiously for the call with todays numbers. I went from positive miscarriage was inevitable to positive things would be okay. It was sheer hell and it lasted for 2 long torturous weeks. My first ultrasound showed nothing, at which point the word ectopic was used. Now on top of everything else I have the fear of an ectopic pregnancy. I am thankful that the pregnancy wasn't ectopic... a few short days after this ultrasound began the worst few months of my life. While i had accepted the fact a miscarriage was inevitable it crushed me.
I spent all of March and April depressed. I was petrified to start trying again, yet I was more determined then ever. My husband and I had a vacation planned for early June so we decided to postpone any sort of fertility treatments until after we returned. My period of course decided to show up while we were on our vacation in June so that meant the earliest we would be starting would be July. While i was nervous, I was also excited.
But. my period never showed. Instead I got that amazing positive result!
This time, everything looked perfect. At 6 weeks we saw the heartbeat and our little bean for the first time.
It was also at this point that my all day sickness set in with a vengeance. The joy of being pregnant quickly disapaeared. I was torn between obtaining what I had wanted for so long and feeling so horrible. I spent many a time on the bathroom floor crying because I couldn't throw up and I couldn't make the pain go away. To say it was rough is putting it mildly. My doctor prescribed me zofran, the lifesaver. Without that I would not have been functional (i was sleeping less than 3 hours periods at a time due to nausea). At my 11 week appointment we heard the heartbeat. It was then I finally started to accept that maybe this pregnancy was for real. Until that point I had been convinced something would be wrong. I finally broke down and told my family, all of whom were thrilled.
Finally the second trimester hit and my nausea eased up... for the first time in weeks I felt like a normal person again. I had more energy and I could eat food again! I even had the beginnings of a bump... not that noticeable yet, but I knew it was there. I also made the decision to switch from a traditional OB/GYN to a midwife. While my OB was nice, I always felt rushed. I also really wanted a natural birth and knew that my best chance of having one was at the free standing birthing center near my house. I met with the midwives and went on a tour and felt 100% happy. I wasn't rushed, I didn't sit in a crowded waiting room for 25 minutes for my 5 minute appointment, I didn't have a nurse tsking over my weight. It was wonderful.
October came the most exciting point in my pregnancy so far, the ultrasound. I was a ball of nerves going in, but seeing our baby on the monitor was amazing. I was in awe the entire time... i could have spent hours sitting watching. My husband and I were both thrilled with the tech announced it was most definitely a boy. The entire pregnancy we had suspected girl, but we were both more then thrilled to be having a boy. The ultrasound was over too soon... at least he was cooperative and we got some great photos.
As November began it became more and more obvious to all around me I was pregnant. While I had told my closer coworkers I didn't tell everyone. However more and more people began to ask me how I was feeling and when I was due. I am thankful that after the rough first few months things have been relatively uneventful and easy. Sure, its getting harder to get comfortable at night and I ache in new places, but being pregnant has been an amazing journey. The most amazing part by far is feeling this guy moving around. The novelty still hasn't worn off and every time I feel him moving I just want to sit and watch. Sometimes its uncomfortable, but I find it reassuring... his way of telling me that everything is okay.
And now, with the year coming to a close, i find myself in the home streach. Just a short 2 1/2 months and Eirik Lysander will be here. It still seems surreal to me at times that I really am pregnant... i have to sit and pinch myself and assure myself this isn't a dream. After all the heartache at the beginning of the year I am ending the year excited and optimistic. Its been a roller coaster of a year and while good things have come to pass, I am glad that it is over and I can move forward into 2010. Next year will bring more change and new challenges as I adjust to being a parent... bring it on. =)
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