The best laid plans...

Well, still here, still pregnant. I took the day off of work today because I was tired, sore, achy, and generally not feeling up to going in. I knew I would be leaving at noon anyway for my doctors appointment so I only really missed a half day. I spent the morning hoping for labor to come, but no such luck. Instead it was off to my 1pm appointment.

The midwife knew today was my cutoff and she also knew that I did not want a hospital birth. I hoped and hoped that things would look great... that they would say "any second now". But nope... no such luck. Same place as Monday. I knew the conversation that was coming next. Induction, hospital birth. They did give me the option of possibly coming in and letting them break my water to see if things happen... but I don't feel like going down that road... I feel like that is playing with fire. If i was more dilated and his head was lower maybe... but the way things look now I could just see it ending up with me in a hospital on the drugs i'm trying to avoid. I did let them strip my membranes... but its 7:15pm now and the chances of me going into active labor before midnight are pretty slim. It could still happen... but at this point I have a feeling that its not going to.

So, I have accepted that I will be in the hospital. I don't want it, but i've accepted it. The only reason i'm okay is because I know my midwife will be there with me... and they know I don't want to be there either. My induction is set for Sunday morning, 7:30. I'm praying and hoping that I naturally go into labor before that... i'm not mentally ready to deal with induction and pitocin and all the fun things that entails. I'd much rather go into labor on my own. The hospital is enough for me to swallow, but then having to be induced which I have been hoping and praying to avoid? It just makes me want to cry.

I know some of you may think I sound crazy... and as I said yesterday the most important thing to me is that Eirik comes out safely... but i've had my heart set on not giving birth in a hospital and doing things naturally... and the realization that this may not happen really hurts. I'm trying to focus on positives at this point because I want to have a positive birth experience, even if it's not the one I planned on. My midwife will be there with me, and they are the one calling the shots. I already expressed my concerns with them about a few things (c-sections, birth positions, etc) and they have made me feel comfortable that nothing will be forced upon me and they will not force me into things that most traditional OBs would. I trust my midwives... they know this isn't what I want and they are going to do everything to make this experience as close to what I did want.

So, one way or another, Eirik will be here by Monday. Tomorrow morning I am going to the chiropractor for another adjustment. Oh! I have to add here that he is now in perfect position for labor... so if anyone else has a sunny side up baby I really recommend finding a good chiropractor who has been specially trained to work on pregnant women. The chiropractor I am seeing is amazing... i came to her at the 11th hour and she is doing everything she can for me.

I guess its a good thing I did the hospital tour after all...