I've tried to come up with an appropriate post all day... I must have sat here and written this out at least a dozen times. I thought I would have had a lot to say, however I come up completely blank. I can't even come up with a good title. It seems like nothing I can say truly expresses what I really want to say... if that makes any sense what so ever.

The word miscarriage or infertility seems to cause people to calm up, get awkward, and try and change the subject. Its something that most women suffer through quietly and alone. They don't open up to their friends and relatives about what's been going on because ultimately those people will give you the same horrible advice over and over.

"Relax, it'll happen!"
"You should try X, Y, and Z!"
"I have a friend who started the adoption process and then got pregnant after years of trying!"
"Maybe it just wasn't meant to be"

Thats just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to advice and comments. No wonder women don't open up and share more. To hear after having a miscarriage "at least it was only a miscarriage" (yes, i was told this by a NURSE) is the most crushing thing ever. It makes you wonder if all that pain you feel inside is real... if you should be feeling that way at all. You begin to question whether you should even be grieving the way you are.

I learned there is no right or wrong answer to how to react after a miscarriage because it is the loss of a life. Even though in scientific terms that life may never have truly began, the second you get a positive test result your entire mentality changes. Even if you only get to cherish that life for a day, for that day you were pregnant and you were a mother. You started thinking about names, imagining the color eyes and who that baby will look more like. And then, when that is suddenly taken away from you, its the loss of that life you had planned out, you grieve. And, like death of any sort, everyone grieves differently. Some people want mementos while others wish to forget. Some wish to talk while others want to hide away. There is no right or wrong way to cope and there is no set amount of time it will take you to move on.

Today I am so close to meeting my son, and as I sit here feeling him move around inside of me I am reminded how much of a miracle pregnancy is. The entire process, the meeting of that perfect egg and perfect sperm, the perfection that is required for that zygote to grow and thrive, the thousands of things that must occur during the 9 month timespan so that life can continue. Most people don't realize that 25% of all pregnancies end is miscarriage... in fact, that number is probably higher. The reason is because many of those miscarriages occur so early that a woman never knows it has occurred. I feel so lucky to be pregnant.