Thursday is March 18th, the only day this month I do not want Eirik to come. March 18th will be exactly one year since my miscarriage and I am petrified that him coming on March 18th is a bad sign. I know I am being silly... but dates in my life always seem to match up. The reason I am nervous is because I have 2 other 18 birthdays and for some reason i've had this gut feeling for a while now that he would come on the 18th. Why i've felt that way I have no idea... but the 18th has always stuck out in my head.
I know i'm being silly... but it would just be so odd for be to celebrate the birth of my son on the same day i'll be mourning the loss of the baby I never had. Can we say conflicting emotions? I want to be happy and overjoyed... but at the same time I don't want to forget about my little bean. I just sit and stare at the calendar and see how close the 18th is and it brings back all sorts of memories.
I told my husband this and he said maybe its something good coming out of something bad. I am trying to focus on that mindset as opposed to my more negative one. Still, i'll feel better once March 18th has passed.
Believe it or not, I'm in almost exactly the same boat. Bug is due to come on 9/8/10. I found out that Peanut had died in the day or so before my 9/9/09 OB appt, so I've always thought of it as 9/8. So, Bug is due exactly one year from the last day we believed Peanut to be alive.
ReplyDeleteWhile I'd prefer it to not happen on the same day, try to remember it is absolutely not a bad omen, just sheer, dumb luck. With me, at least, and the recurrent losses, it seemed like I was running out of days to consider off-limits for baby birthing, so I had no choice but to gamble on turning a sad day into a happy one. And as sheet, dumb luck would have it, it looks like it could be right on target.
Chances are that Eirik won't come on Thursday (my money is on a St. Patty's baby), but if he does, remember it's a happy, happy day. I don't mean to discount your feelings AT ALL, I think alot of women would feel the same way. But it's just our over-developed, over-anazlyzing brains that are reading into the dates. Eirik has been a strong, healthy pregnancy the entire way and I'm positive that mommy and baby will be superstars whenever he decides to make his debut! :)
I don't have anything else to add to what Lara said. Only that I hope Eirik comes very soon and your waiting can end. My DH is a St.Patty's Day baby :) Here's to hoping that today or tomorrow will be the DAY! C'mon Eirik - we're all waiting to meet you!
ReplyDeleteI agree with your DH that it might put a silver lining on the 18th for everyone involved. Maybe it would be Eirik's way of helping you heal from the very first day =)
ReplyDeleteBut maybe he'll come a day earlier and you'll have a St Patty's day baby...fun!