My Strong Little Man!

It seems like some days Eirik just grows and develops overnight! Yesterday he discovered something new... holding things! Up until now he's shown interest in reaching at things, but never really holding them. Well yesterday he actually held a rattle and shook around for a while! I'm not sure if he realized he had something in his hand at first... and I MAY have helped him a bit by putting it in his hand... but by later that evening he knew something was there. He was trying to get the entire rattle in his mouth and as you'll see in a moment there is no way that was going to happen! I tried him on a few different toys with different textures just to see what he would do. I think sometimes I get more amusement out of things then he does! 

I noticed today that his eyes are definitely going brown... no blue eyed boy for me! He is going quite bald on top and the sides, but the hair in back is still there. He looks like a grumpy old man! Both my husband and I think he's going to have blonde hair as a child and that it will darken up as he gets older. My husband had blonde hair as a child and the hair that is starting to come in on Eirik is very light. We shall see! 

We also had our first big milestone... going out by ourselves! On Sunday I finally got to meet up with a friend from the IF world. I met her, her husband, and her son who is just too cute for words! My husband couldn't come so just Eirik and I went out by ourselves for the first time. We did so well that I even felt brave enough to go grocery shopping on the way home. Nothing major of course, just a few items. Now I am over the fear of taking him out alone the little man and I are going to be going out a lot more! Yesterday we went to the mall to window shop and next week we are going to visit my coworkers. He really likes going out... he actually sleeps most of the time. I plop him in the carrier and wander and he either zonks out or watches what is going on. 

Sleepwise we are still up every 3 hours or so. I know this is totally normal so I am trying not to feel depressed but I read online about people whose babies are sleeping for 4, 5, or even 6 hours and am so jealous! We have gotten a few longer stretches of sleep out of Eirik but that is in his swing and I am afraid if we keep doing that he'll become addicted to sleeping there. He is going down earlier however... we've been getting him to go down between 9 and 10 for his first stretch of sleep which is amazing compared to a few weeks ago. Small steps in the right direction!

And now, for the thing you really want, the pictures! Today you'll get the added bonus of a video! And yes, that is my voice in the background. 

Healing

Today is 7 weeks since Eirik was born. Physically I can say I am feeling so much better. I am not 100% by any means... i still get twinges of pain and moving at weird angles hurts. My energy level is no where near 100% yet, but I can get out and do things now without having to sit down to rest. I haven't actually attempted intense physical exercise, AKA the gym, but its on my list of things to do this week. But for now i've been quiet happy just walking and doing housework.


Emotionally however my healing is taking much longer. I didn't go in planning on having a c-section. From the day I found out I was pregnant I really wanted a natural birth experience. I knew however that things changed so I was prepared for it not to go as planned... but I still really held out hope I would get that experience I wanted. I got the complete opposite. The day after Eirik was born in fact my husband said something about next time and I told him don't say anything about a next time because right now I never want to do this again. Now, i'm sure that is a VERY typical reaction post birth however my reaction like that was because I feared another c-section. 


I'm sure some people have great c-section recoveries and think its a piece of cake. Many people who have a scheduled c-section the first time never think twice about the second one. I'm sure the experience of a scheduled c-section is also a little different from the emergency one I had... you get to plan, read, and know what to expect before and after. You go in prepared for the c-section knowing that is what will happen. While I'm sure my recovery was normal it is anything but a piece of cake. Its painful and exhausting and frustrating. Maybe if I had been more mentally prepared for the outcome and knew what to expect afterwards I would have done better. I have always tried to keep this blog light and happy, but here I will admit that those first 2 weeks after Eirik was born were hell. Yes, I had moments of happiness and loving just holding and cuddling him but I also had moments of near hysterical bawling... bawling because he wouldn't latch on correctly, bawling because I couldn't do something as simple as go downstairs and make dinner, bawling because I was tired and exhausted and Eirik was fussing and wouldn't sleep. At one point it was so bad that I feared I was going down the path of postpartum depression. At my 2 week midwife checkup I sat in the exam room and cried after the midwife left... cried because it was so difficult going to the birthing center that I was supposed to give birth at. I cried for the loss of the birth I wanted so badly. 


It did get better... and when my husband and I went out to dinner the other night I told him "I want to do this again". Just realizing that was a huge step in the recovery process for me. I want to do it again... not anytime soon of course, but eventually I want to go through pregnancy and birth again. Will it happen? I have no idea... Eirik took 18 months and a miscarriage to conceive and I was told by my RE that my ovarian reserve is on the decline. But, I am willing to try... and i want to try. I want to go through it all again knowing that there is a chance i'll end up with a repeat c-section. I still want to try.


My emotional healing still isn't perfect. I watched a movie the other night and the women had a vaginal birth and I felt angry and upset watching it. That was supposed to be my experience... I was supposed to get to hold my son right after he was born. I wasn't supposed to be laying on an operating table listening to him cry having no idea what he looked like or if he was okay. I was supposed to get more then a few short moments to hold him before he was taken away again while I was sewn back together.


The healing process continues... 

Caturday!

Sebastian in his new favorite sleeping spot... the baby bath. For some reason I don't think he'd be to thrilled to actually have a bath himself. ;)

A Change...

Some of you may have noticed the title change. I don't know why, but in the shower this morning I was thinking about random things and this popped into my head. So, new title, same blog. =)

Updates!

So my parents have come and gone. It was so wonderful to have them here! Sadly I didn't get anywhere near enough pictures of them with Eirik... I just seemed to forget! We did get a few before they left... of course he refuses to smile. The second the camera disappears however its all grins!





For mothers day my mom replanted my front garden for me! I have to admit here I do not have a very green thumb... i've lived here for 5 years and its only in the last year my front looked somewhat pretty. My front is a tough spot because its very shaded but I did plant some hostas and my husband got me snapdragons for my birthday which I also planted. Of course this year between being very pregnant and then recovering from a c-section my garden never got touched! When they got here it was very overgrown with grass and weeds and in dire need of some work. Not only did my mom weed but she planted some plants as well! My step father even did a little decoration with a shell and a wine bottle. =)



As for Eirik, he is really talking up a storm now. We've gotten a few sounds out of him other then ooo now and he's making new noises each day. His new trick is he wants to try and stand! Of course its a very supported stand, but he loves to be supported on my lap and grin and make noises at me! We also discovered he LOVES the bath. In an attempt to get him to go to bed earlier we've started a real bedtime routine. While my parents were here it was hard because so much was going on but with the end of my maternity leave quickly approaching I need to encourage him to sleep BEFORE midnight. Last night was actually a huge success! He woke up from his last nap about 7 so I kept him up, and then when my husband came home at 9 we gave him a bath and fed him upstairs and he was actually out by 10! We'll see if we have a repeat tonight.

Date Night

Last night my husband and I went on a date. My parents nicely babysat so that we could go out and enjoy a meal together. We decided to go out early for two reasons: first to beat rush hour traffic and secondly because Eirik gets fussy at night. Leaving was the hardest part because when we first tried to leave he was awake and fussing. There is NO way I could leave him like that... not happening. thankfully calming him down wasn't difficult so when I left he was drifting off to sleep.

My husband and I went to a mexican restaurant we'd never eaten at that wasn't too far away. It wasn't fancy by any means, but it was just the two of us. It felt odd being out without him. I'd been out without him, but thats because I had to for a job interview. But this, this was voluntary! I have to say it did take me quite a while to relax and not worry. I must have checked my phone at least every 10 minutes just to make sure I hadn't missed any calls. The entire drive there in fact I had images of him sitting at home wailing. However once we got to the restaurant and sat down I did relax a bit. The funny part is the entire time we were out we only talked about Eirik. Not intentionally of course... but go figure we were surrounded by kids of various ages! Every table had a child under the age of 3. This of course led us to talk about Eirik! And while I did enjoy being out with my husband, I missed Eirik. But I do admit, it was good for us to get out. By the end of the night while I missed him I wasn't freaking out about how he was doing and my husband and I really got to reconnect with each other in a way we haven't been able to since he was born. And I got home to find a happy baby who was happily playing with my parents.

6 weeks!

How did my little man get to be 6 weeks already?! I can't believe he's been here for that long already... or how much he's changed! I feel like every day he changes in front of my eyes. Some mornings I wake up and swear he grew overnight.

He's really becoming much more vocal... making all sorts of noises! Mostly its Oos and Coos but yesterday we got a daa sound out of him as well. It also comes in longer spurts now. Before it was a random coo here or there, but now he's having whole conversations! Well, sort of. ;) I'm trying to capture one of them on camera because its just too adorable listening to those little noises! He also has huge big grins and smiles, mostly for his daddy. Yesterday I was holding him while we were finishing dinner and he only had eyes for daddy, none for me! Finally I gave in and just handed him over. This morning however I went upstairs after hearing him awake and the second he saw me his eyes lit up and I got a huge smile. It just made my entire day!! The other thing he does now is when he cries sometimes he'll start, stop, wait and see if something happens, and then start again.

I also realized that today marks the half way point of my maternity leave. Now I am just getting closer to having to go back to work, which depresses me. I know he changes so much some days!

Tomorrow is my 6 week post partum visit to the midwife. I'm assuming i'll get the OK to resume normal activities so I can FINALLY get back to exercise! Tomorrow is also the first date night my husband and I have had in 6 weeks! My parents are still here and have graciously offered to babysit tomorrow night! I am excited and anxious all at the same time. Its going to be so weird going out without him!

Caturday!!

Today I thought i'd post a bunch of pictures of the cats. Its mothers day today and the cats always will be my  babies. So many people i've talked to say "oh, once you have a baby the pets aren't important anymore". That couldn't be any less true! The guilt I felt those first few days locking my cats out of the bedroom and hearing them yowl at night, not being able to bend over and pick them up because it hurt too much, and Caligula not being able to sleep in his favorite spot, curled up on my chest. Please don't get me wrong here, i'm not comparing the love I have for Eirik to the love I have for the cats... i'm just saying that my love for my furbabies has not diminished in the slightest and I realize that I haven't posted anything on them in a while.

First we have caligula sleeping in his new "cat bed" aka the boppy:



Next is sebastian and Laia sitting together on the couch. A rare moment of peace between the two:



And finally my boys in their favorite sleeping spot:

Some Random Photos!

No big exciting posts today, just some photos. I swear I must take a picture of him a day! Good thing its all digital... i'd be spending a small fortune in photo processing!





Big smiles for daddy. =)

The Best Advice...

If you thought all the comments and advice while pregnant was bad, wait till you have a baby. It gets worse. It seems like the second anyone sees me and sees the baby advice comes spilling out of their mouthes. Some people I know mean well but others I just end up smiling, nodding, and putting the advice right out of my head. Everything from what diapers to buy (all babies are different, try an assortment of brands/kinds), how long to breastfeed, if you should breastfeed, what to eat while breastfeeding, what clothes to buy, how often to give them a bath, how to get them to sleep through the night, EVERYTHING. There is however one great piece of advice I was given by a coworker which I will now pass on.

Every morning have a shower.

Seriously, it sounds crazy, but after a long sleepless night with a fussy baby it feels AMAZING to just simply close the door and stand in a warm shower. You come out feeling refreshed, happy, and ready to face another long day (and probably night to). Its part of my morning routine now to hand my husband the baby and give myself that 10 minutes of alone time to just refresh myself. In fact, I am now off to do just that. =)

Mommy Guilt

Yesterday I had my first real experience of mommy guilt. I was in DIRE need of a haircut. I totally destroyed my hair at the hospital... not brushing it for 4 days after being in labor and having a c-section can do that to it. I needed a haircut to begin with as well and its been horribly hot. So, last night my parents were here and I asked if they would watch him for a quick hour while I just ran down the road to get a quick cut. Nothing fancy, just quick. I had fed him and as soon as he drifted off to sleep I ran out the door. I left my parents with a sterile bottle and a little pumped milk, just in case. I got home 45 minutes later to a hysterical baby who apparently woke up about 10 minutes after I left the house. My parents tried everything to calm him and were just about to feed him when I walked in the door. I felt horrible! How could I leave him?! I almost cried as I sat there feeding him. I know he was fine, and he did have food so he would have calmed down, but the immense sense of guilt was overwhelming! I have to leave him tomorrow for 3 - 4 hours... its going to be so hard!!

5 week checkupi

So we went in today for our 1 month checkup. Yes, he's 5 weeks, but since we took him in at 1 week for his first check up we went back a bit later. I'm getting better about getting us out of the house on time! I have learned that the trick is if I know we have to be somewhere the next day pack the diaper bag the night before! This way all you have to do the next day is grab and go instead of spending half the morning attempting to feed, shower, eat, feed again, and pack the bag!

And now, the part you are all waiting for ... his 5 week stats!

He's 13.6lbs, 24inches long! Holy Crap! My baby is huge! He's off the charts for both! His head however is only in the 75th percentile. I knew he was getting big, but I wasn't quite prepared for that weight!

So, my next big priority is buying a new carseat. The infant carseat, which seemed like such a wonderful idea at first, will probably not last him much longer. It goes up to 22lbs or 29inches long. At this rate he'll be grown out of it by his 3 month appointment! So, convertable carseat hunting I go! I've done a little research already and there are two on sale at Babies R Us this week, so i'll probably get one of those. I have a 20% off coupon for one baby item as well as a small giftcard.

I also now need to rush and buy some more larger sized cloth diapers as this guy is going to be in the next size up VERY soon. The fitted and the covers we have only go up to 16lbs! I did order a few BumGenius 3.0 One Size Pocket diapers yesterday. I'll post my thoughts on those after I try them out. =)

Big Grins!

So for ages now i've been trying to get a picture of Eirik's smile. The SECOND the camera comes out he stops. Today I finally got one!



Maybe next time i'll get one of his really big grins. =)

Someone Turn Down The Heat!

Yet again we are having a crazy spring heat wave. This is the kind of weather we usually have in July and August, not May! Yesterday it was almost 90 and today its supposed to be over 90! Needless to say Eirik and I are hanging out downstairs. He's in his bouncy chair sleeping with a fan pointed on him! I have to say it must be nice to be a baby... he can hang out in his diaper and no one cares!

Yesterday we went out to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. I've been going with my mom for years and half of the reason they made sure to be here for this weekend was so we could go. Its a mixture of people showing sheep and selling farm equipment and sheep and whatnot and also people who sell wool and knitting things. There are also general craft things too now... it really gets bigger every year! The event is hardly advertised anywhere yet its always packed!

We got there early because we knew it was going to be hot. Eirik did pretty well at first. We walked around and got a drink and then watched the sheep dog demo (they have working sheep dogs that herd some sheep through a little course) and Eirik lay on a blanket under a tree and enjoyed nature. He even picked a dandylion! I don't think he realized he'd picked it... but it was still cute. =) After that we went and got some lunch and looked at a few more stalls before Eirik started fussing again. I found a small spot in the shade and fed him and rehydrated myself. Up until this point i'd had him in a onesie in his carrier but since it was so hot I just left him in a diaper. We looked around a bit more and then decided to get some ice cream on the way out. Well, while standing in line Eirik decided he was hot and done. Not that I can blame him as both my mom and I were hot and done too! We made a beeline for the car and the second I placed him in his carseat he passed out asleep. It was just too hot to be outside pushing through crowds of people.


http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=32466643&l=153d478108&id=52200507

A photo of Eirik and I hanging out under a tree.


I have to say, some people were insanely rude! It was obvious I had a baby in a carrier, yet people were bumping into me and refusing to get out of my way! I was shocked! I was however impressed to see lots of people wearing babies in a variety of carriers as well as people sitting and breastfeeding! I also got a reality check of just how big Eirik is... everyone we saw had 3 to 6 month olds who were smaller or the same size as him!

I guess we'll find out tomorrow just how big he is... we're going for our one month checkup!

My First Failed Night Out

So last night I had my first night as a parent where you are about ready to tear your hair out because your child will not settle down and its the worst possible time. My parents are visiting as you all know and some friends of theirs decided to throw them an open house. Since its a lot of family friends I was invited as well. Eager to get out of the house and show of my well behaved happy baby I said of course i'd go! Originally it was on a night when my husband could come so we would drive separately from my parents, but due to the volcano it was moved to a night where he couldn't come. Still, I wanted to go and my parents assured me it was no problem. So I packed extra things and off we went.

I should have known it was going to be a long evening when he didn't sleep in the car. No, he was wide awake the entire drive. We got there and he was happy and content to be held... until of course he decided to pee through his outfit. He actually managed to miss most of his outfit and pee right onto my mom (how he did that i'm still not sure!). A quick change and feed later we were back downstairs and he was asleep. I thought "oh good, he'll sleep for a while and it will be fine". Nope, no such luck. Within 20 minutes he was awake again and before long, fussing. So, more feeding and then back downstairs again. I thought he'd go to sleep if I walked him a bit and for about 20 minutes he was happy but before long he was wailing and screaming again. So, back upstairs where I stayed for the next hour and a half rocking, feeding, jiggling, walking, etc to get him to calm down. He would calm down for a few moments but then he wanted to eat again. By this point I was in tears just about, feeling like a failure as a parent. Yay hormones...

He did settle a little bit when my step father came and held him. We have no idea why, but Eirik LOVES Jeff. Jeff can hold him and he calms right down. My mom and I both had tried and nothing but Jeff holds him and POOF calm baby. So we went downstairs where he stayed calm while we got a photo of my brother holding him (note here my brother is very anti-baby) and I ate some cake. But, before long it was back upstairs to yes... yet again... feed him. I had bought his pacifier in hopes that he would suck on that and stay calm but that was rejected after about 5 minutes. Finally we got home where I thought to myself that i'd take him upstairs, change him, feed him, and he HAD to sleep. He'd been awake pretty much all evening and I could see the look of utter exhaustion in his eyes. But did he? No. He fussed and squirmed and squawked at me. At this point I broke down, handed him to my husband, and said "put him in the swing". I was pretty much crying as I said it because I felt like a failure and here I was, handing him off to my husband to put in a swing instead of comforting him myself.

He slept for 5 1/2 hours.

I slept for 5 1/2 hours.

Thats the first time since he's been born that i've slept for more then 3 hours... and it felt AMAZING.

My mom said it best today... you just can't tell what they are going to do. A different day he could have been happy as a clam going out but last night he just wasn't having it. You just have to go out and do it otherwise you'll never do anything.