Saturday, July 17, 2010

A Moment To Reflect

I had an entirely different post planned for this morning, however reading a few articles yesterday as well as some blogs this morning has made me change my mind about what to post. I can save today's Eirik update for tomorrow.

I would like to share an article with everyone out there: Breaking The Silence On Infertility

This article was printed by Self magazine and its something everyone should read, regardless of if you are trying to have a child or not... if you got pregnant your first month or your 24th month of trying... if you got pregnant naturally or with some form of assistance... male or female... it should be read by all. The women struggling with infertility will read it and cry and the people who have no idea what it is like will finally get to go inside and see what its like. The article goes on about how infertility is a disease no one talks about... and how true that is. I spent 18 months not talking about it because the few times I did i got the response of "oh, just be patient, it'll happen". This is quite possibly the worst thing you can say to someone who is coping with infertility. The people who say this are always ones who have no problem getting pregnant or have no interest in having a child at all. I consider myself one of the lucky ones who got pregnant right before beginning treatment. 18 months, 1 miscarriage, and lots of testing showed that my ovaries and eggs weren't quite as good as they should be and my husbands sperm was okay but not stellar. When I tell people we were about to start fertility treatments to get pregnant when I got pregnant they say "oh, see! That's how it works!". I cringe when I hear this... it makes me want to argue with them and say "no, that's not how it works. I was lucky!" but whats the point? They don't understand and would look at me like I had two heads. How could I argue with them when here I was, with a 3 month old?

I find that now I have Eirik I have no problem telling people about our hardship to conceive. Is this because now I feel like I have to justify to others just in case they are giving me the same jealous looks I used to give pregnant women? I was one of those women talked about in the article who avoided anything baby related and wanted to cry whenever I found out someone I knew was expecting. I would glare at pregnant women in the store and refused to look at a baby in a stroller. Now I find myself looking at pregnant woman wondering "did she get pregnant right away or did she suffer like I did?" I find myself correcting people when they say "oh, you had no problem getting pregnant right?". I quickly spill out the details of how long it took and how difficult it was.

I wish I had the courage to do that when I was trying. I wish I had the courage to stand up and say "I am going to be late for work today because I have to go to the doctor to find out why I can't get pregnant". I wish I had told people at work "I had a miscarriage". I wish that I had that sort of strength... but I didn't. I didn't want to answer the questions or get the looks or have people talking behind my back about "I wonder if she's pregnant?" But if I had spoken up sooner could I have helped someone else? I guess I'll never know.

5 comments:

  1. Thank you, Emma, for sharing the article and your thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for posting this, Emma. One of my biggest fears is that I won't be able to have children, especially since my PCOS diagnosis 7 years ago. Trying to get pregnant is still a couple of years down the road for me, but it is something that I already worry about. Even though, as you and the article said, you are one of the lucky ones, your success story is an inspiration to me, and gives me hope that even though the odds may be against me, it is still POSSIBLE that I might be able to conceive a child naturally, and that even if I can't, there are other options to consider. So thank you for sharing your story - even if it's just in a small way, you have helped at least one person! *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great post Emma!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great post, Emma. It's funny, like you, I find myself being alot more open now about it taking 3 years to successfully carry a baby. I think it's partly because I didn't want some non-IFer's pity while I was still in the trenches, like "Oh poor thing, maybe she'll never have a baby." And also partly that I've always had an easier time standing up for other people than I do for myself, so when I hear someone say something ignorant now, whether it's to me or about someone else, my lioness tendencies come out. I, too, wish that society could just acknowledge that this is a real medical issue, it's so hurtful and ignorant to assume it's for lack of trying, lack of relaxing or whatever stupid old wives tale.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great article! For the first year of treatments I was also embarassed and quiet but after that I became a loud mouth to my friends and family about our struggle. I also wrote to my congressman and senator asking for support for madatory insurance coverage (I love in a state that doesn't have it). I feel so fortunate that my first IVF round worked but it's not going to stop me from speaking out for infertility sufferers who don't feel comfortable doing it for themselves!

    ReplyDelete