Fun At The Beach!

Yesterday I spent a nice relaxing day at the beach! I was a little worried at first because the weather forecast said it was going to be almost 90! Yipes!! The beach that we were going too was an hour and a half away too so I was worried I would get there, it would be too hot for Eirik, and then we would have to leave again. Thankfully this wasn't the case. The beach is a privet beach in Calvert County where the Calvert Cliffs are and there was a ton of bamboo growing so the beach was actually quite shaded! I also had a large beach umbrella to keep the sun of Eirik and I. I have to say that later in the afternoon it was almost a little cool!

We got there about 11:30 and got ourselves set up. Everyone else went in the water, but I just relaxed on the beach. I had Eirik and a book, so its not like I was bored! We had a picnic lunch and then later in the day we did a small birthday cake for one of my friends whose birthday is coming up soon. Eirik thought it was great! He was so fascinated by all the sights and sounds. He put his feet in the sand and the water! Unforunatley he thought it was so interesting he refused to sleep... so by 4 I knew it was time for us to start heading home. I have to say while he was very grumpy and overtired last night I was rewarded with a 4 1/2 hour stretch of sleep... in his cosleeper! A first!

So much to look at!!


Us relaxing by the water!

Sleep is Overrated

Who needs sleep? That's my new motto! I'm going to learn how to live off very little sleep. Last night was another rough one with the longest stretch of sleep being about 2 hours... most of the time it was about an hour. I'm guessing that Eirik must be having a growth spurt so hopefully we'll go back to our somewhat more normal routine of 3 or so hours. Oh how I am looking forward to it! Until then its lots of coffee earlier in the day and attempting to go to bed early. Why don't I sleep while he naps you say? That's because by the time I fall asleep he's awake again!

Today I decided to pull the jumparoo out of the basement just to see what he thought of it and he loved it! Well, for about 20 minutes... but that's about his average attention span. =) He really loves the one part of it that has a ball he can turn and the swinging objects caught his attention but the one spinning ball with a sun in the middle made him angry because he couldn't reach it.

We have been doing tummy time at least twice a day now and I have to say his head control is getting so much better! Today he actually got his head up to a 90 degree angle and pushed up on his arms! I was shocked! He only managed to hold this pose for about 5 seconds. He's also really showing interest in trying to move when he is on his stomach. I have a really strong feeling he's going to start crawling before I can blink. I don't think he knows what he's doing, but he kicks his legs which pushes him forward a bit... its only a matter of time before he figures it all out.

Tomorrow is beach time! I'm excited! And now, a few pictures!


Jumping!


Holding his head up!


Big smiles for daddy

One Of Those Days...

Today has just been one of those days... one of those days where nothing really seems to go right. It all started last night when Eirik wouldn't sleep. I fought with him for about an hour before taking him downstairs and putting him in his swing. About 2 1/2 hours later a thunderstorm rolled through. Now there are two things that really scare the living daylights out of me... flying and thunderstorms. After laying in bed awake for 30 minutes I decided to go get Eirik out of the swing and feed him in hopes that by the time that was over with the storm would be over and then both Eirik and I could go  back to sleep. No dice... the storm didn't end for quite a while. When he woke up to eat the next time he had peed through is clothes and then only slept for about another 2 hours before waking up to eat again... wet again. After that he did his morning cluster feeding which meant that I wasn't going back to bed... so instead I got up.

I weighed myself only to discover i'd gained 1/2lb from last week even though I actually did some exercise. Frustrated I went and ate breakfast and got myself ready to go out as I had plans to meet my friend for the afternoon. Eirik was being extra fussy and refusing to go back down for another morning nap which made getting ready more difficult. In my haste I forgot to move my water off the table which means the cats got into it, knocking it onto the pile of thank you notes waiting to be sent out. Then in the attempt to clean out my ears I ended up making things worse. At this point I was tired and frustrated but ready to leave.

The afternoon spent with my friend and her son (who is 2) was fun, but Eirik was extra fussy. I forgot to bring his hat and we were outside and suddenly I realized that we should move indoors and i'm worried that even though it was cloudy today he got too much sun. When we got lunch he decided he was tired and didn't want to sleep so I spent the entire time nursing him instead, and then the baby that never spits up did... all down me! He went back to sleep again once I was walking (he loves being carried!). We got home and then in my attempt to get something in the bathroom I shattered a bottle of nail polish over the floor so now my bathroom smells of nailpolish and nail polish remover!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel better now... its just been one of those days!

Mobility!

Well, sort of. =) Eirik has discovered he can move himself around on his back by pushing with his feet! We have all hardwood floors so when we do tummy time I put him on a blanket and then once he gets his feet onto the hard wood away he goes! I don't know if he quite realizes he's moving himself or doing it intentionally, its most likely he's just kicking away and the moving is a side effect. It does however mean i'm going to have to keep a much closer eye on him! This morning in his cosleeper he was scooting all over the place! I'm sure that hes going to be rolling over VERY soon. I thought he may actually do it last night, but nope.

Today I am planning on going to the gym! I am nervous and excited at the same time. I have a feeling its going to be a very slow paced almost pathetic workout, but I know it will feel good to get myself back in there again. I am not a huge lover of exercise, but I know how great it makes me feel. I know i'll have more energy and will sleep better... two things I could really use right about now!

Currently we are having another heat wave... 90 degree weather in Maryland this time of year is not normal! I know that June is quickly approaching and with it summer... but usually this kind of heat shows up in July and August! I fear we are going to have a long, hot, nasty summer and I don't have central air!

This weekend Eirik is making his first visit to the beach. I'm so excited. =)

8 weeks!

That's right, today Eirik is 8 weeks! Its hard to believe... it goes by so quickly! He has lost a lot of his hair, except in 2 spots! Its really amusing to look at... he hast his little tuft on top as well as some in the very back... a weird mullet look. It is starting to grow back on top so soon he'll have hair again. I'm excited to see if its going to come in blond or brown!

Today we took an adventure into my work. I knew I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't bring him in. It was kind of odd to go in and not work... just go in and say Hi. Eirik decided to flirt with all the people I work with and was all smiles and grins. He just loved being the center of attention! By the time he left he was zonked out which meant he slept while grocery shopping... it makes the trip much easier when he's just fast asleep! The downside to this is that this evening he has been fussy and overtired!

A few pictures taken today. Gotta have those 8 week pictures... =)

Quickly Growing Boy...

Tomorrow Eirik will be 8 weeks and this week we officially began putting him in 6 - 9 month clothes! I keep looking at these outfits thinking "Those are huge!" and then I get it on him and go "Okay, so its not so huge after all". I know that the fact he has that lovely cloth diaper butt makes him need things a little bit bigger... but 6 - 9 months already?! I'm really hoping that this massive growth will slowly taper off and maybe i'll get more then a few weeks of wear out of his adorable baby clothes. Once you hit a certain age, especially in boy clothes, the outfits go from adorable to just sort of meh. When they are younger you can get all sorts of cute "baby" designs but then it becomes more plain colored shirts and LOTS of sports themes. Not that I am anti sports, but neither I nor my husband are really sports people. Neither of us played sports or watch them therefore I lean towards buying him things with animals, dinosaurs, monsters, etc.

I've been a lot better about doing tummy time with him, even though he's not very fond of it. He's gotten a lot better about holding his head up instead of sitting there grunting at me going "please turn me over now!" Thankfully he doesn't scream while doing it... I know some babies do! We also pulled out the bumbo and he's been sort of enjoying sitting in that. I say sort of because some days he'll tolerate it and other days he doesn't! He really started to grab at things the other day. I wouldn't say he can quite hold things by any stretch of the imagination, but he's starting to try and scoop things with his hands and bring them close. His favorite toy at the moment is this soft dog rattle/blanket and he LOVES to start at it and touch it. I can't blame him... i'd love to have a blanket made out of that material!

Tomorrow we are going out on an adventure to visit my coworkers! Should be interesting. =)



Trying to lift his head up!

Operation Get Rid Of Baby Weight: Week One

I told myself I wouldn't worry about baby weight for at least 6 weeks... and then I also told myself I wouldn't worry about baby weight till my parents left. I knew with them here my eating habits may not be great thanks to all the amazing chocolate they bring with them. But, with my parents gone and my excuses drying up its time to really focus on getting this weight off.

Last Friday I rejoined weight watchers. I joined my junior year of college and lost about 50lbs so I know the program and I know it works. Last Friday i diligently weighed in at 195.4. I was a little depressed because I've been sort of stuck at that weight for a while. My goal? 170. I'd LOVE to get down to 160 again, but we'll see. When I graduated from college and was exercising every day and eating great I was at 155, but i'm not going to be that optimistic. I know with work, school, and Eirik my time for exercise will be more limited. My prebaby weight was 180 thanks to the stress of trying to get pregnant... so not only am I trying to get off the baby weight I am trying to get off the stress weight too.

So, week one of being very strict about tracking what I eat and I am down 2.5lbs! Wahoo! I know that the first weeks you loose more and then it slows down, and when breastfeeding its only supposed to be 1lb a week... so i'm in for a long road. But, today was a step in the right direction. Today I also FINALLY got some exercise in! The conclusion is I am VERY out of shape. For my birthday i got the EA active for the Wii. I did the low intensity routine for 15 minutes and got my butt kicked! But, if I keep doing it i'll get there. Next week my goal is to get to the gym and get on the elliptical! 

Cuddles

Its true what they say, no matter what you plan on or decide before you have a baby everything will change when they are actually here. You will tell yourself there is no way I am introducing a pacifier only to change your mind a few short weeks after your baby is there. For me one thing I never wanted to do was bed sharing. It freaked me out too much... the thought of him getting smothered, of me rolling over on to him, or my husband rolling on to him! I didn't want to shove him in his own room right away however so I went out and purchased a cosleeper. My friend had one and raved about it and I had read online all the information and it was such a great idea! He could sleep snuggled in his own bed, but I could easily reach him without getting up. Perfect!

The first 2 weeks we were home however the cosleeper stayed as a free standing bassinet. Thanks to the c-section I had enough problems getting in and out of bed so I didn't need the added fun of maneuvering around the cosleeper. Also the cosleeper was very small and portable so I would move it between the bedroom and the computer room during the day (as they are the only two rooms in the house I was in all day). I will also add here that the first few nights home I hardly slept at all... between breastfeeding and waking up every hour to make sure he was still breathing I was a walking zombie. In fact the first night he was home I slept with all the lights on because when I turned them off I freaked out something was happening to him.

After 3 weeks when I felt well enough we attached the cosleeper to the side of the bed. Now I could simply reach over and get him to breastfeed without getting out of bed. Easy! Wonderful! Except for one minor problem... the startle reflex. Eirik would startle so easily that unless he was perfectly sound asleep he would wake up the second his head hit the cosleeper. I would swaddle him, shush him, try and sooth him back to sleep in his cosleeper but typically I would end up taking him back out and repeating the process of rocking and patting him again. One night, exhausted of playing the back and forth game, I fell asleep with him on my chest.

The next night I didn't even try to move him into his own bed, I just let him sleep on my chest all night. I have to say that while I was sore the next morning we both got more sleep that night then we had in a while. Then instead of having him sleep on my chest I would lay on my side with him cuddled up against me, safe in the crook of my arm. Now I would say he sleeps about 60% of the time in his cosleeper at the rest in bed with us. I will try and put him down in his cosleeper at night to start, but typically after his first feeding I just end up keeping him next to me. He sleeps better and I sleep better. Then in the morning when I get up to eat breakfast I leave him with my husband and the two of them cuddle. There is nothing so adorable as watching your husband and your son sleeping peacefully together.

If you would have asked me 3 months ago if this would be my sleeping arrangement I would have said No. In fact my husband and I got into an argument over it because my husband wanted to sleep with him in bed with us and I was the one who was to nervous. But now I am doing it I don't see what the big deal is. I will add here I did research into how to safely keep him in bed with us, its not just something I did on a whim. I'm not saying bedsharing is for everyone... but for me its working out pretty well.

Last night Eirik and I got into bed and after he nodded off to sleep I found myself not wanting to put him in his cosleeper for that first stretch of sleep. Looking at his peaceful sleeping face I realized just how quickly he was growing up and how limited these sessions of cuddling together would be. Before long my little boy will be wanting to assert his independence and be a big boy and sleep in his big boy bed. Instead of putting him in the cosleeper I pulled him close to me. I'm going to enjoy every moment of cuddling together.

Discovering New Things Every Day!

Sometimes it amazes me how quickly Eirik seems to grow and learn things! He has always enjoyed sitting in his bouncy chair for short periods of time. A few weeks ago he started to show interest in the little objects that hang in front of him. He would try and reach for them and stare at them, but never for more then about 5 minutes. He would start to squirm and thrash around and make the "get me out of here" noises. Today I had to put him in there for a few minutes to do something. I was watching him and saw his foot thrashing and kept waiting for the squawks of protest but they never occurred. In fact in was staring VERY hard at those little things hanging in front of his face. It was then that I discovered he was making them move by kicking his foot! He was quite pleased with himself and kept doing it and watching it! Today I also think he started to discover his hands more. I caught him staring at them very intently. Every day really is something new. How am I going to be able to go back to work knowing how much i'm going to miss?? 

My Strong Little Man!

It seems like some days Eirik just grows and develops overnight! Yesterday he discovered something new... holding things! Up until now he's shown interest in reaching at things, but never really holding them. Well yesterday he actually held a rattle and shook around for a while! I'm not sure if he realized he had something in his hand at first... and I MAY have helped him a bit by putting it in his hand... but by later that evening he knew something was there. He was trying to get the entire rattle in his mouth and as you'll see in a moment there is no way that was going to happen! I tried him on a few different toys with different textures just to see what he would do. I think sometimes I get more amusement out of things then he does! 

I noticed today that his eyes are definitely going brown... no blue eyed boy for me! He is going quite bald on top and the sides, but the hair in back is still there. He looks like a grumpy old man! Both my husband and I think he's going to have blonde hair as a child and that it will darken up as he gets older. My husband had blonde hair as a child and the hair that is starting to come in on Eirik is very light. We shall see! 

We also had our first big milestone... going out by ourselves! On Sunday I finally got to meet up with a friend from the IF world. I met her, her husband, and her son who is just too cute for words! My husband couldn't come so just Eirik and I went out by ourselves for the first time. We did so well that I even felt brave enough to go grocery shopping on the way home. Nothing major of course, just a few items. Now I am over the fear of taking him out alone the little man and I are going to be going out a lot more! Yesterday we went to the mall to window shop and next week we are going to visit my coworkers. He really likes going out... he actually sleeps most of the time. I plop him in the carrier and wander and he either zonks out or watches what is going on. 

Sleepwise we are still up every 3 hours or so. I know this is totally normal so I am trying not to feel depressed but I read online about people whose babies are sleeping for 4, 5, or even 6 hours and am so jealous! We have gotten a few longer stretches of sleep out of Eirik but that is in his swing and I am afraid if we keep doing that he'll become addicted to sleeping there. He is going down earlier however... we've been getting him to go down between 9 and 10 for his first stretch of sleep which is amazing compared to a few weeks ago. Small steps in the right direction!

And now, for the thing you really want, the pictures! Today you'll get the added bonus of a video! And yes, that is my voice in the background. 

Healing

Today is 7 weeks since Eirik was born. Physically I can say I am feeling so much better. I am not 100% by any means... i still get twinges of pain and moving at weird angles hurts. My energy level is no where near 100% yet, but I can get out and do things now without having to sit down to rest. I haven't actually attempted intense physical exercise, AKA the gym, but its on my list of things to do this week. But for now i've been quiet happy just walking and doing housework.


Emotionally however my healing is taking much longer. I didn't go in planning on having a c-section. From the day I found out I was pregnant I really wanted a natural birth experience. I knew however that things changed so I was prepared for it not to go as planned... but I still really held out hope I would get that experience I wanted. I got the complete opposite. The day after Eirik was born in fact my husband said something about next time and I told him don't say anything about a next time because right now I never want to do this again. Now, i'm sure that is a VERY typical reaction post birth however my reaction like that was because I feared another c-section. 


I'm sure some people have great c-section recoveries and think its a piece of cake. Many people who have a scheduled c-section the first time never think twice about the second one. I'm sure the experience of a scheduled c-section is also a little different from the emergency one I had... you get to plan, read, and know what to expect before and after. You go in prepared for the c-section knowing that is what will happen. While I'm sure my recovery was normal it is anything but a piece of cake. Its painful and exhausting and frustrating. Maybe if I had been more mentally prepared for the outcome and knew what to expect afterwards I would have done better. I have always tried to keep this blog light and happy, but here I will admit that those first 2 weeks after Eirik was born were hell. Yes, I had moments of happiness and loving just holding and cuddling him but I also had moments of near hysterical bawling... bawling because he wouldn't latch on correctly, bawling because I couldn't do something as simple as go downstairs and make dinner, bawling because I was tired and exhausted and Eirik was fussing and wouldn't sleep. At one point it was so bad that I feared I was going down the path of postpartum depression. At my 2 week midwife checkup I sat in the exam room and cried after the midwife left... cried because it was so difficult going to the birthing center that I was supposed to give birth at. I cried for the loss of the birth I wanted so badly. 


It did get better... and when my husband and I went out to dinner the other night I told him "I want to do this again". Just realizing that was a huge step in the recovery process for me. I want to do it again... not anytime soon of course, but eventually I want to go through pregnancy and birth again. Will it happen? I have no idea... Eirik took 18 months and a miscarriage to conceive and I was told by my RE that my ovarian reserve is on the decline. But, I am willing to try... and i want to try. I want to go through it all again knowing that there is a chance i'll end up with a repeat c-section. I still want to try.


My emotional healing still isn't perfect. I watched a movie the other night and the women had a vaginal birth and I felt angry and upset watching it. That was supposed to be my experience... I was supposed to get to hold my son right after he was born. I wasn't supposed to be laying on an operating table listening to him cry having no idea what he looked like or if he was okay. I was supposed to get more then a few short moments to hold him before he was taken away again while I was sewn back together.


The healing process continues... 

Caturday!

Sebastian in his new favorite sleeping spot... the baby bath. For some reason I don't think he'd be to thrilled to actually have a bath himself. ;)

A Change...

Some of you may have noticed the title change. I don't know why, but in the shower this morning I was thinking about random things and this popped into my head. So, new title, same blog. =)

Updates!

So my parents have come and gone. It was so wonderful to have them here! Sadly I didn't get anywhere near enough pictures of them with Eirik... I just seemed to forget! We did get a few before they left... of course he refuses to smile. The second the camera disappears however its all grins!





For mothers day my mom replanted my front garden for me! I have to admit here I do not have a very green thumb... i've lived here for 5 years and its only in the last year my front looked somewhat pretty. My front is a tough spot because its very shaded but I did plant some hostas and my husband got me snapdragons for my birthday which I also planted. Of course this year between being very pregnant and then recovering from a c-section my garden never got touched! When they got here it was very overgrown with grass and weeds and in dire need of some work. Not only did my mom weed but she planted some plants as well! My step father even did a little decoration with a shell and a wine bottle. =)



As for Eirik, he is really talking up a storm now. We've gotten a few sounds out of him other then ooo now and he's making new noises each day. His new trick is he wants to try and stand! Of course its a very supported stand, but he loves to be supported on my lap and grin and make noises at me! We also discovered he LOVES the bath. In an attempt to get him to go to bed earlier we've started a real bedtime routine. While my parents were here it was hard because so much was going on but with the end of my maternity leave quickly approaching I need to encourage him to sleep BEFORE midnight. Last night was actually a huge success! He woke up from his last nap about 7 so I kept him up, and then when my husband came home at 9 we gave him a bath and fed him upstairs and he was actually out by 10! We'll see if we have a repeat tonight.

Date Night

Last night my husband and I went on a date. My parents nicely babysat so that we could go out and enjoy a meal together. We decided to go out early for two reasons: first to beat rush hour traffic and secondly because Eirik gets fussy at night. Leaving was the hardest part because when we first tried to leave he was awake and fussing. There is NO way I could leave him like that... not happening. thankfully calming him down wasn't difficult so when I left he was drifting off to sleep.

My husband and I went to a mexican restaurant we'd never eaten at that wasn't too far away. It wasn't fancy by any means, but it was just the two of us. It felt odd being out without him. I'd been out without him, but thats because I had to for a job interview. But this, this was voluntary! I have to say it did take me quite a while to relax and not worry. I must have checked my phone at least every 10 minutes just to make sure I hadn't missed any calls. The entire drive there in fact I had images of him sitting at home wailing. However once we got to the restaurant and sat down I did relax a bit. The funny part is the entire time we were out we only talked about Eirik. Not intentionally of course... but go figure we were surrounded by kids of various ages! Every table had a child under the age of 3. This of course led us to talk about Eirik! And while I did enjoy being out with my husband, I missed Eirik. But I do admit, it was good for us to get out. By the end of the night while I missed him I wasn't freaking out about how he was doing and my husband and I really got to reconnect with each other in a way we haven't been able to since he was born. And I got home to find a happy baby who was happily playing with my parents.