A Coffee Kind Of Day

Today was one of those days where I got in to work and my boss goes "wow, you look exhausted. You have that mommy face". Ahh those sleepless nights... I'm not sure what was up with Eirik last night. A growth spurt, teething, gas, a combo of all three... all I know is that we were up about every 1 1/2 hours to eat. He went down at 8, woke at 9 to eat, then my husband brought him up to bed at 11:30 and changed him and he ate again. I have to add here I went to bed just after 10 by the time homework and next day prep was done. I think it was about every 1 1/2 to 2 hours... and then at 4 he had gas and had to be rocked back to sleep which took until about 4:45 and my alarm goes off at 5:30. Previously when I had a rough night I could play catch up with sleep later in the day... not so when I'm back at work full time. Needless to say this morning I was bad and got coffee on the way to work. Usually I just get coffee in the break room but this morning I wanted that real coffee taste... not work lunchroom coffee. Fingers crossed tonight is a better night... I'm going to go pass out as soon as I get a little homework done...

One Year Ago...

One year ago I came home from work clutching my plastic bag from Target trying to talk myself in to waiting until the morning. What was the point of doing it now? Hadn't I just been to the bathroom an hour ago? And anyway, it was still really early... only 10 or 11 days maybe. Too early for anything to show up tonight. But... what would it hurt to just take one and see? It'll be negative. There is no way it will be positive! I sat and watched as a line appeared... the control line. But then I watched as a second line appeared and I quickly realized that first line I saw was not the control line... it was a real line. I sat in shock staring going "oh my god" over and over. My husband wasn't home so I quickly tried to call his cell phone and got no answer. He didn't even know I was planning on testing. The only reason I had planned on it was because I kept burping, the only pregnancy symptom I had before. I didn't even think it would come back positive. But, there is no mistaking this:



Never will I forget the rush of emotions... the initial excitement quickly followed by fear. What if it happened again? What if this one didn't make it either? Could I go through the loss and the pain again? I quickly became attached to my little bean, which I was convinced was a girl (boy was I wrong!). I waited eagerly for my husband to get home so I could tell him the good news. I wrapped the test in a box and put a note on it that says "happy late anniversary". He was just as shocked as I was. Both of us were nervous, but excited.

Its hard to imagine its been an entire year already. That moment is so fresh in my mind i feels as if it was yesterday. But no, here I am today, holding my little man, my little miracle. That day is one of the best days of my life. The day I finally got that sticky positive test.

I just can't get the hang of Mondays...

I know there is some movie or TV show that has a good one liner about Monday's but i can't remember what it is off the top of my head. Its something along the lines of "i never could get the hang of Mondays". Well, that's about how I feel right now.

It started off bad with last night the low temperature being 83F. We have NO AC upstairs which meant a night asleep on the sofa. The problem with this is that I have to get up to get Eirik, take him upstairs to change him, then bring him back downstairs. In hindsight I should just have bought the diapers downstairs... but did I think of that? Nope! He wakes up at midnight and I change him. Then about 3 he wakes up again, eats, and poops so thats another change. So we make it till about 4 when he wakes up... wet. Yep, wet. The swing is wet too so now we have to go back upstairs and sleep in the still oppressive heat because the swing cover has to be washed.  He wakes up again at 5... wet again. At this point I want to scream as I spent all day Sunday stripping my diapers so we would stop having leakage issues! At this point I get him back to sleep just as my alarm is about to go off... so much for a restful nights sleep!

The rest of the morning goes okay. I was running a smidge behind because I put dinner in the crock pot, but not too late. Work today was pretty light so I was looking forward to leaving work on time, getting Eirk, and getting home at a decent time. But, as I said, Mondays and I just aren't getting along.

At 3pm I sit down to pump and my husband calls. I answer to "I have a situation here". Of course I instantly think something is wrong with Eirik. No... he is broken down on the side of 95! He was on his way to drop Eirik off at my friend's house and his car died. So I quickly call my friend and beg her to go pick my son up from my husband... its in the 90s again today and he's stuck in a car on the side of 95 with no AC! Then I call my husband back with the AAA info so he can call a toe truck... then I realize the cost to toe the car to our mechanic will be outrageous so I call my friend again to get the number of a closer one. So I met my husband on the side of 95 while we waited for a toe truck and my friend took Eirik to Ikea (gotta admit i'm a smidge jealous... i love Ikea!). Finally the toe truck showed up and we dropped the car off. They were closed so we just had to leave the car and call them and explain the situation. So, I guess tomorrow we find out just what is wrong with the car.

So by the time we got back to pick up Eirik, fed him, and got home it was almost 7. So much for getting home early and having a semi relaxing evening! I am now completely frazzled and exhausted and hot. Can it be Friday again already?

First Week is OVER!

Yes, thats right, I have made it through week one back at work! Monday was by FAR the hardest day. It did get a little easier every day however. I discovered its MUCH easier to leave when he's asleep. On Thursday and Friday I had to leave him wide awake, grinning, and happy. Its SO hard to leave when he sits there and gives you that big huge smile! My job is pretty hectic at the moment so I am keeping pretty busy which helps a lot. The more downtime I have the more time I have to miss him! It helps that I get picture messages all day from my husband!

So far I have learned that my theoretical morning schedule has been tossed out the window! Its hit or miss as to when he wakes up. Sometimes hes up at 5:15 wanting to eat so of course he doesn't want to eat again before I leave and other mornings he sleeps till 6:30! I have however managed to get myself out of the house every morning by 6:50. I really don't have a set start work time, but I like to try and get there by 7:15, especially since I am taking pumping breaks 3X a day. I am going to talk to the IT guy Monday about setting up a computer so I can do some work while I pump! I have kept up doing an extra morning pumping session to stockpile milk. I have been doing that hands free so I can do other things at once! I think i have a pretty good general "routine" down in the morning now. Its not perfect, and it changes, but it works!

The biggest shock for me was how exhausted I was! Last night I didn't even attempt to do anything... I passed out on the couch at about 8:45! The worst days are Monday and Wednesday because I have to go pick him up. Typically I don't get home till 6:30 or 7... and then by the time i've eaten dinner, played with him, given him a bath, and gotten stuff ready for work the next day its 10! I'm sure as time goes by our routine will get better... but geeze... i am glad its the weekend!


Last night Eirik got something in his eyes... we still have NO clue what or where it came from. He was hysterical! We ended up giving him a bath and then I even changed and took a shower because we just could not figure out what was wrong. His eye was so red and puffy and watery! For a while there I was worried we'd be taking him to the patient first down the road, but thankfully he settled down and today his eye looks fine. I don't know if its something I got on me at work or if he got something on him at the park (my husband took him out to a local park) or if it was just something random in the house! Poor little guy was NOT a happy camper!


Tonight my husband and I are going out to dinner for our anniversary. I'm really looking forward to it because we're getting Sushi... Mmm.... =)


And now, more cute baby pictures!! Because I know that's the real reason you all check this blog. ;)


Staring at a toy during tummy time!




His newest thing... sucking his thumb!

4 years ago today...

4 years ago today was by far one of the best days of my life. Not the best, because I don't know if I have a best moment anymore, but it ties for number 1 up there with finding out I was pregnant and then actually having Eirik. 4 years ago today I married my husband! And 6 years ago tomorrow my husband and I started dating. It was a fluke that our wedding ended up being the day before our dating anniversary. A random date that worked for everyone and only after the fact did I realize what had happened.

We met at work... I was home for the summer working and preparing myself for my senior year. I wasn't looking for a relationship because at the time I was already in one. But, life works in mysterious ways, and sometimes you find love when you least expect it. Unsure of how things would work out once I returned to school I tried not to become too attached to the long term but once I returned to college it was even more apparent to both of us how strong those feelings were.

Our wedding was not a traditional one. It was performed at his aunts house and was a norse ceremony officiated by a friend of my husbands. It was a small intimate affair with only our closet friends and family. I didn't even wear white! To some it was odd, but for us it was perfect. Everything just seemed to fall into place. The entire day was rainy and miserable except about 5 hours during which we got married and ate and relaxed.



I'm not going to say marriage has been easy... its had its ups and downs. We've had joyous moments together and we've also had our problems. But we love each other and we know that no matter how frustrated we may get we love each other and support each other. Over the years we've been together i've only fallen more in love with him. And now, watching him with Eirik makes me love him even more.

So, today I dedicate this post to my husband. The man who has been there and seen me at my lowest and supported me when I didn't think I could do it anymore and who always tries to make me push myself farther even when I didn't want to try. You've laughed with me, cried with me, been there through death and loss, through happiness and joy. We've had our moments where we drive each other crazy but those always lead to moments where we love each other even more. You know exactly what to do to cheer me up on days when I've reached my breaking point. And now, watching you with Eirik just makes me love you even more. You're a wonderful father and he is so lucky to have you.

Happy Anniversary!

Pumping Update! =)

So since to many people commented yesterday, i'll just give you all a quick update!

First off, i found something to do... homework! I printed off the power point slides for my classes so I can read those while I pump. It does help pass the time! I would bring my textbook in... but that may be a BIT obvious. ;)

Pricing - Medela pumps almost NEVER go on sale. It sucks. I got mine at Babies R Us of all places. They had a 20% off medela pump coupon. I've seen them do this a few times, so my advice is to sign up for their e-mail or check their website often! Also sometimes amazon has had them on sale!

Pumping room - I am tempted to talk to HR as there is another woman coming back soon who will be pumping, however the little room I have now is so convenient because its right next to my cube! I am thinking of putting premoistened paper towels in a ziplock back and bringing those in to clean the pump parts off between uses. They also sell these special wipes for cleaning... but they can get kind of pricey!

The Pump

One of the things I invested good money in was a breastpump. Most of my baby items I got used or on clearance or borrowed however a pump was one of those things I KNEW I wanted a new one that was good. It was something I would be using 3X a day at least when I went back to work. I did my research and everyone under the sun recommended Medela. I chose the freestyle simply because it was more lightweight and portable. It was a tad more money, but I used a coupon to save major money.

Before going back to work I started pumping once a day to build up a freezer supply. I also got myself very familiar with my pump. I remember the first time I took the thing out and tried to use it. After spending about 15 minutes putting the parts together I had to actually use the thing. Now that should be simple however its a double pump. So, here is the question... how do you hold both bottles over yourself and then turn the pump on?? With great difficulty! And then there is a button so when you have letdown it will change the sucking type, so again you have to juggle the apparatus so you can hit the letdown button. That in itself took a few tries! Nothing quite prepares you for that sucking sound that is being made. I have to admit I felt rather foolish at first sitting, clutching the breastshields to my chest, attempting to change the settings on the pump. But, after a few more tries I became pretty good at it. It wasn't so difficult to change the settings and I even purchased a corset to allow for hands free pumping!

And then I went back to work. There is nothing more tedious then spending 15 minutes sitting in a small empty room listening to the groaning noise as the pump works. There is no official pumping area at my job so I simply took over an old office area that is no longer in use. The little area is filled with old computers that I need to get the IT guy to move. So I sit there and try and relax and enjoy my 15 minute "break"  but instead I find myself thinking about how much i'd rather be at home feeding Eirik. Pumping makes me plain old depressed. Then there is no running water in the room since its an office so I have to pack up the pump parts into a bag and take them to the bathroom to wash and dry. The whole process ends up taking more like 25 minutes instead of the quick 15 I had anticipated. I know I am doing the best thing for Eirik by pumping, but after only 2 days I am already wondering "how long can I keep this up???" Maybe if I had work to do while I pumped or a computer to look at the internet on.

I love my pump... I just hate pumping... 

First Day

Today was my first day back at work since having Eirik. To say it was difficult would be an understatement! I knew it would be tough to leave him, but I never imagined just how hard it would really be! I spend most of last night trying to get myself organized. I made sure my lunch was made, I had all my pumping stuff together, I had his diaper bag together for my husband to grab... I even laid out my clothes for the next day! I went to bed last night knowing I had done everything to make this morning go as smoothly as possible.

I set my alarm for 5:30. Typically Eirik doesn't wake up until about 6:30 or so, so I figured that would give me at least 30 minutes to shower and eat breakfast. Nope! Wrong. Eirik woke up this morning at 5:25 cooing and grinning at me. Who could say no to that?? My husband entertained him while I showered and ate breakfast and then I fed him again and ultimately got him back to sleep about 6:30, leaving me just enough time to finish getting ready. Leaving was the hardest part. I think its a good thing he was asleep because if he was awake and cooing... or even awake and crying it would have been near impossible for me to leave. I only cried a little bit as I left. Instead I distracted myself with thoughts of work.

The day went smoothly. A lot has changed while I was gone, but a lot is still the same. Everyone was so glad to see me! Everywhere I went people were saying Hi and asking about Eirik. Thankfully I was pretty distracted most of the day catching up with things and people so I didn't have a ton of downtime to get too depressed. The worst moments of the day were when I was pumping. Sitting there attached to the pump made me miss him so much.

I have to admit the day went by quickly... partly because I had to keep an eye on the clock and every 2 1/2 - 3 hours go pump. Before I realized it 4pm had arrived and it was time for me to leave! I was so excited to go pick up my little guy! Traffic was great and I made wonderful time to my friends house (she watches him for 2 hours a day twice a week) and then... 1/2 mile from her house I see flashing lights in my mirror! Was I speeding? No... I have a crack in my windshield! All I could think is how close I was to seeing my little man, and I knew he was hungry, and here I was waiting for the cop to write my repair order. Talk about frustrating!

To say my little guy was hungry would be an understatement! He chowed down for a good 10 minutes and then gave me a look as if to say "where have you been all day?!" It was so wonderful to be with him again. I hear from many other working moms online it does get easier and the first few weeks are the hardest. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Now I have to go wake my little sleepyhead up. He was so exhausted when I picked him up that when we came home he pretty much passed out!

I'll leave you with a photo from yesterday. I found a onesie with one of my husbands favorite bands (pink floyd) on it, and I couldn't resist getting it for Eirik to wear on fathers day. You can see how exhausted Eirik is in the pictures... we did the photo op right before bathtime!

Happy Fathers Day!

The Things You Learn In School

So I'm not sure how many people out there know this, but I am currently working on my masters! I have a B.S. in Biology and once I entered the job market it became very apparent that I needed a masters to really get anywhere. After hunting around I found a great online biotechnology masters program at Johns Hopkins University! Part of the reason I started working on my masters was to take my mind off of trying to get pregnant. I was focusing all my energy on that and was getting more and more frustrated and I realized I needed to do something other then focus on getting pregnant! I am finally taking some really interesting classes. This semester I am taking stem cell biology.

Each student is required to do a project on a type of stem cell. This weeks projects were on ovarian and testicular stem cells. Reading about these kinds of stem cells and the potential they have to treat infertility is just amazing. The science to help has come so far already and just reading about this groundbreaking work makes me see just how much it is going to be changing over the next decade. I know that I got off easy in the land of infertility compared to many. I look at Eirik every day and think how amazing it is he is sitting there in front of me. I think of all those who I know who went through so much or are still going through it and I wish that these advances were available now not in 10 or 20 years. But still, it makes me hope that someday so many of the infertility issues that are out there will have new amazing treatments. Just look at how far treatments like IVF have come in the past 10 years!

Someday all these "what ifs" will be reality. I'm interested to see what they come up with!

Mr. Chatterbox

Eirik has become a little talker... but only sometimes. Its actually quite amusing because he'll go on for quite a while talking and cooing and grinning but the second I try and record it no such luck! Part of the reason is he is really talkative after eating... so I can't exactly hold the camera and aim it at him while he's eating just to wait for that moment when he's done. Well, I could, but i'm not sure i'd want that video on the internet! However tonight he graced me with a conversation which I actually caught on video!



In other news Eirik had his follow up doctors appointment today. My chunky monkey is now 16.5lbs! Geeze! He also got 2 shots, which he was not so happy about. He's been a little extra fussy this evening, but nothing too bad thankfully! We'll see how he sleeps tonight!

Eirik Discovers The Cat!

I jinex myself yesterday by saying how wonderful sleeping was going! Yep, I knew it was going to happen. Last night was okay, but he awoke at 4:30 refusing to go back to sleep and today has pretty much refused to nap! So, since I have accomplished nothing in the way of school stuff today, I'm just doing a quick blog post tonight!

This is a video I took a few days ago of Eirik discovering Caligula. As you can see Caliugla could care less!

Updates on Sleep and Breastfeeding!

So today I suddenly realized that Eirik and I now have this breastfeeding thing down! He latches super well and is a pretty efficient eater! Gone are the long 40 minute nursing sessions and now when he eats its typically only a total of 10, maybe 15 minutes. Hes still a grazer much to my frustration, enjoying more frequent short nursing then long ones. But, I can't complain too much. He now tells me when he is done by pulling off and talking to me. Its actually quite adorable because he looks up at me and starts cooing and grinning! Last night we also successfully did a nursing session while I was laying down in bed! The past times when i've tried he's fallen off or gotten frustrated but last night he just popped himself on and I went back to sleep!

Sleep is another thing that has gotten better. We're not sleeping through the night, but his first stretch tends to be 3 - 4 hours! After that its typically about another 2 -3. This means that right now he goes down about 9, wakes up about 12:30, goes back down about 1, wakes up again about 3:30, and then sometimes if i'm really lucky he's not up again until 5:30 or 6... and if i'm SUPER lucky he'll just want a little snack before going back to sleep till 7! This means that theoretically i'll only be up twice a night for feedings once I go back to work. More then I wanted, but much more doable then the 3, 4, or even 5 times I was getting up before! And the difference between 2 - 3 hours of sleep and 3 - 4 hours is AMAZING.

He's also becoming much more consistent with napping. I wouldn't say he has a set schedule down, but its becoming more predictable! Of course this will all probably change with me returning to work next week (insert BIG sad face here) but we'll have to see what happens.

Pool Time!

So if there is one thing I miss about living with my parents is the pool. When I was a kid I LIVED at the pool in the summer. I grew up in an area with tons of really high quality outdoor pools and at any given point in my childhood I was within walking distance of one. I have such fond memories of spending my days swimming. When I was older both my brother and I were on swim team and our Saturday mornings were filled with swim meets. I was not a great swimmer, but it was something I truly enjoyed. Sadly since I now live in a city the public pools are just so so and I can't really afford a privet pool membership. The gym I go to does have a pool, however its taken over by swim practice the times I go... and there is nothing like the outdoor pool. Indoors are nice, but to me the best thing to do in the summer is go swimming!

So when my friend Kelli (some of you know her from TTCYF6+) send me an e-mail this morning saying she was going to be in the area and asking if I wanted to go swimming I jumped at the chance! Sure I haven't worn a bathing suite in years and yea I still have about 10lbs of baby weight to go... but a chance to swim in a pool! So today Eirik and I went to the pool! We met up with Kelli and her son Collin, who is 9 months old. I was a little worried Eirik wouldn't like the water because it was cool, but he loved it! I think he was a little confused and thought of it like a big bath, but he was quite happy to move around in the water. He only started getting fussy because he was tired and then he zonked out and took a short nap while I did a little relaxing in the water. Since he loved the water so much I'm really going to have to find somewhere to take him swimming! I want him to enjoy the water as much as I do!

In other big news Eirik ALMOST rolled over last night! He made it on his side and the only reason he didn't get all the way over is because his hand was in the way. He's so close to doing it though! We'll have to put him down on the ground again tonight and see if he'll make it all the way over. =)

And now, Eirik in the water!




Napping in the shade

The Good, The bad, and the meh

So now Eirik is almost 11 weeks old (how the heck did that happen!?) I've had some time to reflect on baby products. Some things I have found to be amazing while other things I have hardly used at all! I thought today I'd do a really quick list of things I love, things I hate, and things that are okay but I could live without. I know a few of you who read this will be having your little beans soon, so I thought maybe it would be helpful.

The Good:
Cradle swing! Eirik LOVES this. He snoozes in it all the time! I will add here some babies hate swings... just as a heads up
Bouncy Chair - again, he LOVES this. He'll sit in it quite happily while we eat dinner or do something
Piggy Sack - A mei tai soft carrier purchased from Mandy. I LOVE this item! It is easy to take out because it rolls up, you can put it on in minutes, and you can use it from newborn to toddler! Eirik slept in it a lot at first but now he just loves looking at things when I go out! If you're interested you can buy one here: http://www.piggysack.com/
Cosleeper - lifesaver! I can't imagine getting up every 3 hours to go get Eirik out of his crib to feed him. I don't even get out of bed! I roll over, pick him up, feed him, put him back to sleep.
Medela Freestyle Breastpump - since i'm going back to work I shelled out the big bucks on a breast pump... and i LOVE it. Its easy to use and light and portable! And a rechargeable battery!
Bravado Nursing bras - EXCELLENT nursing bras. They are supportive, which I need. Apparently under wires are bad for breastfeeding, so I knew I would have to shell out big bucks on a nursing bra.
Old Navy Nursing Shirts - inexpensive, easy to use, and have a nice little flair so you can hide that post pregnancy jelly belly!
Cloth Diapers - As you can tell from my review, i'm addicted. =) 

The Bad

The Boppy - Yes, some people love their boppy. I hated mine... it never worked right and Eirik was never fond of it either!
Papmpers with Drymax diapers - They leaked EVERYWHERE. Also they are currently being investigated because of bad diaper rashes!
Huggies - Eirik was in these for less then 6 hours and had the worst diaper rash ever!

The Meh

Activity Mat - Yes, this is nice to have. Its got the toys hanging over the top and yes, Eirik enjoys it for a while. But what he enjoys more is me putting a blanket on the ground, laying down with him, and pulling out a few soft toys. Its nice to have, but not essential in my mind.
Toys - Yes, toys are needed. Its nice to give babies things to play with and stare at... however I have discovered they are extremely fickle about what they like and dislike. I have a bunch of books for Eirik and the one he likes the best I picked up for 1.99 on clearance! My thought on toys is buy them used and sparingly. I find Eirik is much more amused by simple things around the house or by funny faces and noises at this point! And people sell toys at yard sales that have hardly been used!

I'll update with more good, bad, and meh as I find things out. For now those, thats what I can think of!

And now a picture of my little man listening to his daddy play the piano. =)